I’ll begin by telling you that this one’s on me
I unlocked all these secrets for him to see
And deep down I knew that he just didn’t care
So I stitched up my wounds, but the scars are still there
Then came a night where I finally understood
His intentions were anything but faithful and good
He was a ghost who simply disappeared with a kiss,
Jolting my heart, and with one severe twist,
I’d fallen for someone who doesn’t exist
Every word was decadent, affecting my mind,
Every glance was poisonous, making me blind
This little game continued until I was deranged
Then I stood, moved forward, and decided to change
I’ll end by reminding you that this one’s on me
I was never the person he thought I could be
And deep down I knew that he just didn’t care
So I let him tear me apart, but the anger’s still there
Then came a night where I finally grasped
His intentions were anything but ready to last
He was a ghost who simply disappeared with a kiss,
Igniting my heart, and with one severe twist,
I had fallen for someone who didn’t exist
Author notes
Option 2, 4, 5
A contest entry
- Is It Lust, Love, Or Complete Infatuation ? PW allowed :] by YoureNoGoodForMe.
420 points, ended June 30, 34 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Break my heart and make me cry by God is my reality.
900 points, ended August 11, 100 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
i like the idea of this whole thing
and the fact that its like a little tragic love story with heartbreak the main idea
good job!
-
This again, is a great poem. The line 'he was a ghost who disappeared with a kiss' makes me think of lovers on a moonlit night. I love how for the last stanza, you took the first stanza and tweaked it.
-
It was easy to feel the pain and emotion in this. There were a few bits that really stood out to me for example the first two lines of the second stanza, I thought these really showed how this kind of love can be infectous and hurtful. I also really loved the line "He was a ghost who simply disappeared with a kiss", you put it so well that is reignited feelings inside myself. Your structure was also brilliant, you selected the repition really well and your rhyme seemed very natural and really worked . Great work x
-
ok first off, the title and the picture caught my attention. Great rhyme scheme and naturally smooth flow, This is so twisted, but amazingly good. The idea is so captivating. It just wow. Great write!
-
Awwww
wow, that had tears building up in my eyes, that was a heart felt poem
-
Beautiful picture
You explained the photo so well . I feel as if i'm craving for more in this, and yet that you have explained just enough to make it perfect . The ending line explains so much and finishes this off extremely well. I really enjoyed reading this, thank you.
-
BEAUTIFUL!!!!!
This is one hell of an incredible piece of poetry!! Verrry good job! I adore the whole writing!!!
-Ali
-
Holyyy shittt. Oh.my.gawd. I lied :] This is my new favorite piece of yours<333 I can't even describe how incredible and captivating this one is, it almost brought tears to my eyes :'] (& no, not because I'm quite emotional right now because of a movie I just watched, just because it's so.fucking.true.] You have such a way with words and everything in this poem was worded so perfectly. Gahhh your poems are such an inspiration, Brialicious, you have noooo clue. This is definitely top 3.
"Every word was decadent, affecting my mind,
Every glance was poisonous, making me blind"
Ahhh<3 Those lines hold so much meaning & truth to them it's scary. I also loved the rhyming in this piece. It's very original yet so creative at the same time. Your recent poems have put me in complete awe
"Jolting my heart, and with one severe twist,
I’d fallen for someone who doesn’t exist"
Whoaaa. Definite meaning lingering in those lines. I especially loved that last line, and this sounds really stupid haha but adding that italicized touch to it made it even stronger. I lovvvve this poem to pieces (obviously. hah!) I heart you too<333 You keep me strong ! <3
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
