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Remembered Praise


I've forgotten what my name is, it could be one of many
everywhere I'm turned, I'm happy then with any.
 
I do not see a thing, all is Your face to me
showing me what we've become in our own mystery.
 
Ever seen so clearly, I'm lost and You abound
no questions in my mind, while all You, shown, is found.
 
My extended thanks my joy, You instill in each responded trance
You move me to, and it is You who fills to reach acceptance.
 
Your perfect instants shown, so no other could contain,
You turn me in my circle, removing me from blame.
 
In this Wholeness of You, Your company to keep,
to be woken in the morning and it is in You I sleep.
 
'Mine' has been usurped with praise, like it never was at all,
grey waters all forgotten, except to laugh at my own fool.
 
The past is changed in front of me, there's nothing left behind,
such vision placed into my eyes, the same which are so blind.
 
I'm a miracle of indecision, in which You decide the best
I eat You in my breakfast and can only find Your vest.
 
My trousers full of patches, which You prepared for me,
designed, tailored and 'known' before, we even remembered a factory.
 
Held inside Your largeness, to see and know nothing at all,
my sight is all through Your eyes and so love to be your fool.
 
A most majestic foolishness, as shadows fall and lights are freed,
You, the only One obliged to, prepares every tended need.
 
Mine is weakness and stupidity for what purpose it can,
when for me, it's You who praises, You make praise what I am.
 
 
 

A contest entry

Welcome any sincere response and critique

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19
  • Humm..you portrayed the truths and the honestities..I like that...thanks for sharing such a wonderful piece....

  • Amarige
    June 26

    Edit | Reply

    Love your spirituality!

    I read this yesterday when you just posted it but I was just in awe..

    Truly inspiring and Amazing, masha'Allah!

    I liked a lot those lines a lot:

    ‘I do not see a thing, all is Your face to me
    showing me what we've become in our own mystery.’


    ‘In this Wholeness of You, Your company to keep,
    to be woken in the morning and it is in You I sleep.’

    Couldn't agree more. We can all see signs of Him anytime, anywhere, and in all wonders.

    You always touch my heart with your writing and leave me speechless!

    Ruby




  • NurseChilly gold member
    June 26

    Edit | Reply
    oohh and it didn't make me stick pins in my eyes either... beautiful my friend... indeed



    • Morning!

      Thank you ... Heh', I asked Liza if she thought it might do...
      and was fully prepared to remove it.
      Now I know for sure it's passed the 'Chilly Test'... ooh' sweet joy!

      x

  • apples fell gold member
    June 25

    Edit | Reply

    You rhyme well! Yes indeed. Always I find a very smooth use of language in your work. I only find two things that bothered me here: '
    Mine' has been usurped with praise, like it never was at all, grey waters all forgotten, except to laugh at my own fool. - "all" and "fool" don't seem to contain the sound movement the rest of the piece has. It's basically the end words that weaken these lines. And I also think that some of the lines might contain a few too many words to make some of the rhymes as noticeable, like in part 10, with the factory...Too many little words and it stumps the rhyme. You can't hear it anymore once you've gotten to the end. Which is odd. Also twelve has that problem as well...Too many words that have been added in the line. The first one specifically in this instance. And that's the end of my critique.

    This is wonderfully written Sol. Very beautiful.
    Also it contains that powerful internal nature that your pieces always do.

    Thank for this, emerald.

    ;

    • Put my attention straight to where needed... some changes made accordingly and you know... I do believe it speedily improved...

      DIAMOND!

      Much thanks to you

      • apples fell gold member
        June 26
        Edit | Reply

        You're welcome. I know you appreciate when I draw your attention right where you want it. Glad I could help, yes.


  • Dalaney gold member
    June 25
    Edit | Reply
    i think i like what you have to say, Poet Love, Lane


  • Lucy. gold member
    June 25

    Edit | Reply
    Wow!!! This is outstanding.

    And...WOW!! This is really beautiful, you have worded it so very well.

    Adore these lines...
    Held inside Your largeness, to see and know nothing at all,
    my sight is all through Your eyes and so love to be your fool.

    A perfect take on the prompt. I hope you do wonderfully in the contest. X


  • rhondasail
    June 25
    Edit | Reply
    I really, really love this...but ...line 6: 'shown' should be-'all You show', or 'all You've shown'; line 7: instill, two 'l's; line 14: except; Line 23: capitalize first word to keep unity with the rest of the piece and maybe drop 'and' between fall and lights and use a comma instead-the rhythm is a bit off there; line 25: again, capitalize for unity...and now for the good stuff...I love the line, 'I eat you in my breakfast'...simple words that go so very deep...'for man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that falls from the mouth of God'...you walk humbly with your God here, Poet and I am once again appreciative of the sharing and reminding...Peace and best of luck in the contest. Rhonda

    • Thanks for your help Rhonda,

      yes I see your points and agree with all...
      that is apart from the 'all You shown is found', because it is the 'You' which is shown and otherwise it would be made as something else being shown by the 'You', so this one although seeming a little strange perhaps, is intended. Perhaps you can think of a way of punctuating it differently to ensure the meaning is carried better. 'While You Yourself are shown' is to obvious I feel.

      Bless you and thank you so much.

      Sol


      • rhondasail
        June 25

        Edit | Reply
        You've punctuated line 6 well, Sol. The intended meaning is now quite clear. And after reading this a million times now, lol, I think Skye is right-the rhythm is ok in line 23. It's the way I read it that made it seem off...oopsie. Peace, Rhonda

      • Lucy. gold member
        June 25
        Edit | Reply
        How about...
        'while all You, shown, is found'
        ???

  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    June 25
    Edit | Reply



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