I am staring at the shadows
watching them approach
riding on the evil wind
acting as their coach.
I am looking in the eyes
of those harbingers of doom
speaking faithless words
in the whispers of my room.
I am choosing not to see them
in all their hideous glory
sitting on the butresses
telling me MY story.
For so it is they deem
my defeat is near at hand
My knees begin to buckle
and it's hard for me to stand
And thus must I appear
I admit I can't seem well
They may be right; these daunters
who've got no soul to sell.
I am staring in the face
of all that I have feared
hearing my own heartbeat
deft within my ears.
I am quivering inside
and shaking to the bone
but though this malice breaks me,
still, I stand alone.
I know the risks I face
and all their monstrous might
I understand the battle
is a losing one I fight
My body may get broken
and my heart all torn to bits
but courage- like a stone-
inside my soul still sits.
The wind is growing stronger
in it's hurry to confuse;
so I raise my eyes and meet it-
I've got nothing left to lose.
Author notes
this is of course how i am feeling at the moment....
determined, unmovable and righteous;
there's a perfect line from Tolkien's work,
"his will was set, and only death could break it."
and awesome quote, for an awesome feeling,
but more than this even, it's a tribute to those who find the courage to face unspeakable odds and somehow keep doing so.
Written January 2nd, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- I want you by A Crooked Spoon.
301 points, ended August 2, 2005, 43 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
-
am with out words .....speachless ......great write
-
amazing poem i loved it.
-
wow! this line:yet so simple:spoke something i've tried to say before too:but couldn't find the words:and alas! you have found them for me: "
For so it is they deem
my defeat is near at hand
My knees begin to buckle
and it's hard for me to stand"
I loved the language use, words people (or i...) don't know are always a nice touch [although i should probably know most of those words... :$]
-shelly -
Wow. I can see a poem can really speak out to one.
"I know the risks I face
and all their monstrous might
I understand the battle
is a losing one I fight
My body may get broken
and my heart all torn to bits
but courage- like a stone-
inside my soul still sits"
I loved those lines. *Hope...sighs...so hard but so necessary when in the midst of every difficult thing possible. -
wow, awesome poem. You definately deserved the trophy. great job. my favorite stanza was the last one-
The wind is growing stronger
in it's hurry to confuse;
so I raise my eyes and meet it-
I've got nothing left to lose.
That's just an awesome line. You're right about tolken's quote- it fits this poem perfectly. Again-great poem.
Jen -
Awesome
Congrats on the trophy. This is an excellent piece and the rhyme was perfect.
Absinthe
-
and courage is certainly something strong to rest on and it is necessary to pull us through. I am glad you have made it this far through what seems quite the test. This is definitely a piece that comes from the heart. There is truth to it. Thank you very much for entering ...
-
I stopped to read the poem on your author page, and as I finished, I wondered if this was one of your own or written by a renowned published author. It's funny how I was just scanning through your poems and this was the one that I happened to pick! This was a very encouraging read; I'm in a state now where I need to feel that courage, and your poem helped me to pick up a bit of spirit in face of my own unspeakable odds and to remember that all isn't lost as long as you have faith in yourself. I hope that core of strength inside yourself is getting you through your trials.
-
ps- very much in the Legacy of Poe.
-
alas, alas,
too many buckle. Alas! too few can hold themselves. and Alas for the son that one of those weak ones has wounded!
::sigh::
♥
Kat
ps- the authors comment reminded me of something that's happening quite close to my home... it's in my diary if you want plainer language.
Edited on Jan 28, 12:55 because ''. -
bravo
you flow so softly, so freely, its always pure joy to read your work. (blaggard *hey i used it, im so happy*) -
to clarify-
I noted bohb adressing his complaints but feel that maybe an explanation of his two "loose stones" is required here as well.
I could see where he might be confused by the "for so it is they deem" line. However, he is placing the importance on the wrong subject. The focus of that line is NOT on WHO is saying it, but rather WHAT they are saying. So, instead of hey, these people say this... The line should be read as "This is what's being said." They deem my defeat is near at hand. Not, those people over there said this. Just to clarify.
And on his second complaint; the "though this malice breaks me" line. He says it goes against the grain of my message. However it does the opposite. I did not mean "break" in the literal sense, but rather in the sense of "though this malice is breaking my HEART, I will face it anyway."
Hope this clarifies.
Edited on Jan 21, 5:58 p.m. because 'noboy's perfect.'. -
Very good
At first glance this seems fairly solid, but upon reflection, could be built into a stunning ediface of snarling rebellion with a bit more work. The foundation is laid, but some of the stones are loose.
Suggestions (made in the unbiased attempt to assist, not criticize - take it as you will..you are the narrator after all):
"For so it is they deem" could be "For so it is they WHO deem"
"but though this malice breaks me" bothers me greatly. The entire thrust of your poem is in saying "You CAN'T break me", so what about "but though this malice NEARLY breaks me"?
That's really the only two loose stones I found. This really is pretty good overall and some of the lines really stand out as exceptional phrases, such as how you describe the wind hurrying to confuse and "courage like a stone". The courage line reinforces the thrust of your words and highlights your resolve in the face of certain defeat. And, of course, the final line is perfection.
Good flow, nice rhythm, interesting story.
-
wow, i am really moved. this was great. i love the creepy aspect, and how you are giving off so much determination even in the face of something scary sounding. i love the image that you create, the farther into the poem that i got, the more this fantastic image began to form. very nice.
-cat-
-
The short lines give it an energy, a quickness of breath and heartbeat almost. The third stanza is my favorite... the feeling of not being in control, of being pushed down by your own mind... Heh, I'm lucky today, I found two about fighting our own doom in a row.
Love the title too, btw. Thats what drew me in... such peculiar use of periods. -
wow, i have to admit this is one impressive piece of poetry, with a powerful sense of against-all-odds coming through very clearly to the reader. while it's obvious the subject matter, it's not so common that the reader actually feels that same inspiration while reading. but this piece conveys it perfectly. very well done.
-
This was good. The title is quite interesting, and draws the reader in. Very nice, for dark poetry, and well written form. Liked it.
-
Wow this is awesome! The last stanza, after everything else was so amazing!!! It says so much, and I could picture so much of this brilliantly in my head...nice rhyming it flowed very well
-
You have some real inner strength in you, girl!! It comes across in this piece yet there is an almost wayward element, "I have nothing left to lose" like it doesnt really matter what happens to you because you aren't really there. I dont know, I just found that to be a sad twist on that strength. You hold in there, your dogged determination is enough to get you through!!
Good piece of writing.
Nate -
brilliant how you ryhmed this so effortlessley and put so much emotion in it. like the way you spaced out the last line .terror and then ive got nothing left to lose. i liked the effect you created.
-
You did an awesome job on this! I am truely impressed. My favorite part:
My body may get broken
and my heart all torn to bits
but courage- like a stone-
inside my soul still sits
What strength! Great job
~M~ -
oooh your last line is striking- goosebumpy! The raising of the eyes is so steely. Fallen, I have to tell you, there are some beautiful lines here. "telling me MY story" is crackerjack- the courage like a stone is excellent. I'd have to paste big bunches to show you all the parts i liked, so I won't.
Reminded me of a verse:
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground..." Ephesians 6:12-13
Adding your comment:
1 - 22 of 22
3 old applause
