One last hug as your train rolls in,
We part as friends, who only ever knew each other as lovers.
She has you now, our friend.
She's as clever as me, and we can both twist you round
like a scrap of silk.
This round goes to her, but I'm still winning.
My old victories are not forgotten,
just stale.
And I could have you back with me again if I wanted
(if she wasn't sulking around there somewhere)
It only took me two days with out her last time,
and then you were mine.
I pretended not to see her hurt when it happened
just as I pretended not to see her joy when it ended,
our dear dear friend.
Sweet, sweet, lovely friend who grips a dagger behind her back,
so that I never dare turn mine.
Now love goodbye, you're too weak anyway.
Too easily manipulated, and she manipulates.
So goodbye, remember me, and I hope you spend forever trying to forget.
- Poets wanting comments group list • next in list
A contest entry
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450 points, ended August 21, 2008, 37 entries
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Would love some feed back on this one
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Sounds messy. I can never understand how people can be like that. You'd be well out of it but then I hate when people say that.
Enjoyed your write.
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Haha, I knew this was familiar =]
Like I've said before, so so true to what happens far too often. I can relate.
Thanks for entering and good luck.! -
(:
"Now love goodbye, you're too weak anyway.
Too easily manipulated, and she manipulates."
This is my favourite bit,
Thankyou for entering LoveNeverDies,
Goodluck
(: -
She's as clever as me, and we can both twist you round
like a scrap of silk.So goodbye, remember me, and I hope you spend forever trying to forget.
those were my favorite lines...
this was an amazing poem'
FINALIST!!! -
this is quite good, wonderfully written, and true to what happens all too often. thank you for entering.
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WOW - this was amazing ... I can't quite put my thoughts to paper as I need to, but it just struck a chord in me - all of it, bringing memories to the fore -
You played with the words, as the friends played with each other, treating emotions almost like a game. The section,
"I pretended not to see her hurt when it happened
just as I pretended not to see her joy when it ended,"
How open, and honest was that?! If this poem was based on a real story [which I think it was?] I commend you for writing this so honestly ... Just ... blown away by it!
Thanks for entering
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Wow, this is really dark, but really well written. "So goodbye, remember me, and I hope you spend forever trying to forget." <-That is pure gold!! It reminds me of a guy I fell for, and I can't forget the a-hole even though I moved out of state...really touching and very well done.
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thank you for entering.
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wow
this is really really good
god bless
love cassie -
Stunning
This was incredible, it was pschycologicaly and emotionally powerful and I loved how you incorporated many factors of feelings and emotions within. The lines 'Sweet, sweet, lovely friend who grips a dagger behind her back,
so that I never dare turn mine.' was just a major highlight of powerful twisted aspect of the storyline. This was truly mind blowing, excellence. This composition couldnt have been more reflected better. I can strongly relate to how you feel in this piece. Wonderful work!!!!
~Emily~ xx
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fantastic
I really love this poem. It's very maturely written, and it gets the point accross in an amazing way.
Sweet, sweet, lovely friend who grips a dagger behind her back,
so that I never dare turn mine.
This is definitely my favorite part. And god.. i can relate to that.. The last line is very strong as well. I can definitely appriciate this. good work! -
I loved this poem because I can actually really relate to this, but u know what they will always think of u bc ur the one who got away. And anyway u dont want someone u can have so easily. I loved the flow and the style was very different but i liked it. check me out sometime if u like my recent poems r reward poems and i def would love ur opinion. well keep writing and ill keep reading.
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Good i liked this poem. Very well written
..<3..
Shelly
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