Somewhere between here
and the orange groves
of my childhood,
where intersections
were broken bee hives
and people buzzed
in fluttered vortex,
whispers widened
into open prairie
and I stood petrified,
taken by the symphony
of simple beauty
There at highway's halfway
there was no hesitancy
in my steady stride
I walked purposefully
to the pulsing rhythm
of photoed heartbeats
buried in pocket seams
and as I drew closer
to desire's destination
my steps echoed your voice,
intruding quiet places
Author notes
I chose option 5, the blender and used all 4 choices
1) the picture
2) word bank: petrified, orange, widen, flutter, vortex (In bold)
3) phrase bank:
"symphony of"
"intruding quiet places"
(in italics)
4) title:
"Highway's Halfway"
Pic Credit:
Model, E.S. Guevara
In a list
A contest entry
- Options were never this fun by notorious.
400 points, ended June 27, 2008, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Incredible. It's amazing that you used all four prompts. Congratulations.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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Bookmarking Dan
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why use commas in this poem if you are not going to bother with periods? at the end of your poem you leave it hanging - after all the use in between you fail to close the poem off? in my humble and ignored opinion, why use half and half, either go all the way or do not bother?
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periods are not neccessary in my opinion because if you word it right the pause is implied and assumed as you read. I don't like a lot of little dots cluttering the page. Just a personal preference. The commas however are neccessary for it to flow right and read through better.
I know what you are saying about the ending because I was going to write more but didn't want to drag it out and bored the contest host. Plus when working with wordbanks I always find it a fun challenge to try and use them all in the least amount of space. I think it ends fairly well though, could have used a touch more maybe. Good enough to grab a trophy I guess!
Thank you for your time and comment. -
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LMAO is that guy questioning my ability to judge for Gold entries?!!
Ahaha
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Congradulations on the GOLD! Well expressed emotions that flow well. Life can be a struggle , but it seems you have come through it ok so far. Thanks for sharing
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You are brilliant...! Again, I really appreciate how you manage to squeeze in so many prompts and have the whole poem make sense (well, as much as a poem can make sense to an outsider).
"orange groves of my childhood"
Brilliant...
"fluttered vortex"
Love this phrase!! It may be a contest inspiration someday...
"symphony of simple beauty"
Hell yes! Beauty has its own tune!!
"I walked purposefully to the pulsing rhythm of photoed heartbeats"
Wonderful. I love the self-assuredness in the tone of this line...and 'photoed heartbeats'. It's an awesome way to reference a picture itself...LoL
I LOVE that you use 'intruding quiet places' for the end...it fits so well and leaves the loudest interpretations in one's mind...irony there.
There's this whole remembrance and nostalgia feel here...there's images and motion here. Wonderful entry...how the hell do you keep giving me such brilliance? It shouldn't catch me off guard anymore, but it does.
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BEST OF LUCK THESE ARE HARD WORDS TO USE BUT YOU WERE VERY CREATIVE
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Superb
A very fine write, I liked it just the way it is. The imagery struck a chord within my imagination. Thanks for sharing this one.
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Excellent!
This was wow! I loved that you utilized the many prompts into one wonderful poem!
Very talented work carefully penned!
Loved it!
~Lisa~
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Nice job!
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Fun Read
This was fun. Its hard to use prompts to make a coherent poem, but you've managed it.
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This is stunning in its layout, its depth and its metaphors. Beautiful Love, C
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Thank you C.
You know I appreciate you!
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nice poem lovely words used here best of luck in the contest
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Wow. Well done on covering so much in one great poem!
I loved it. Keep writing.
x
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Well done on using so many prompts and making sense at the same time. Reading through it gave me a calm feeling and you used the phrases to very good ends.
All the best in the contest...Sue
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Ooh!!! you did a wonderful job!!! I really loved the mixture that you used!!!Your such a talented poet!! and it really shows in this poem! You did great hun.I really loved this.. Best of luck!!!
La sua mezzanotte è sorto, l'angelo
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really? spider monkeys? Lol.. I've always wanted one of those! lol.
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