They come as gentle thunder
lucent links of lightning flash
to teach lessons for the future,
recast the molds of our past.
[As whispered notes, an air “We are not fair to the dead”.]
Raised trifles in grandest words
shed faintest warmth upon deeds that exceeded
flinched eyes before honest mirrors.
Yesterdays may not be fully trusted.
They keep neither secrets nor sacred ways,
nothing left untouched by ceaseless curiosity;
all thoughtful pauses, tints and sepia browns
come to frowns of fault and rose colored wisdom.
[Heard as voice and echo: “I was not fair to the dead”]
Failed to find deep silence
where even starlight had a song,
nor listened in calm courtesy to their love.
Instead, I was consumed in jealousies of life
made a divining wall of the unavoidable end,
time under the Sun became my loftier place.
Empty vanity, hard stone of the soul,
allowed nothing to pass into my heart
neither lean day nor lustrous night found a way.
For as time lies still in passing graves
meanings ascend, twine toward sun,
vines fruited in raptures climb
and find the light as truth.
Bones speak, sing eternal
like ivory and tusk memories
renewed, we are able to rise to tomorrow;
flown upon wings in disguise of hope
upon tides of unborn breath
lifted by spirit to soar on high and endure
even faint and windless skies.
Author notes
Air- A succession of notes forming a distinctive sequence.
Required by rules as a theme: Please see
http://allpoetry.com/poem/4325281
A contest entry
- prewrites. by Melissa Gayle.
400 points, ended July 9, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Isn't it odd that I find this almost political. Perhaps its because of someof your latest writes, while I still see nature and the allure - I do see more.
I never truly know how to critique you, I thoroughly enjoy your style -
Wonderfully written!
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Your imagery is absolutely enchanting. It just captures you and really makes you feel. & the beauty of the piece is astounding. I feel like you really captured this, ran with it, and did everything you possibly could to make it even more better. This piece shows growth, makes growth, and lets the reader feel the growth of the narrator. Wonderful.
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thank you Ryno-
for your kind and generous words and thoughtful comments; it is so very much appreciated...PK
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This I think would be wonderful as a spoken piece, it has many phrases that just glide from the tongue, it sets a path to what humanity has headed towards and maybe the feeble excuses of why we do what we do, yet there is no definitive answer, probably because as humans we do not have one as such and still search for it. Love, C
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This is just beautiful PK, so soft and serene yet it's tone belies the harshness of its reality. You have such a wonderful way of turning a phrase and this piece was no exception with several bookmark worthy passages. I loved the imagery, the emotion and the narrative feel of the truth that is spoken. Overall I wouldn't change a word, exception work hun. Hugs, Bunny
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Thank you Bunny-
for your kind words and encouragement, it is so very much appreciated... PK
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Great title and overall concept. Love how you used air in both as a musical term and to speak of breath/wind, and intertwined the two usages throughout. That opening image is great. "Lucid links of lightening"-love that expression, as well as the idea of recasting our molds. With those images you set up the reader to take in the change that you describe in the rest of your poem. Almost like a foreshadowing, or at least a thematic introduction. Nice technique.
I love the honesty of the piece--the speaker does a lot of introspection, admits to faults and wrong value assessments--a wonderful contrast to the "flinched eyes before honest mirrors." There is a sense though, that truth and understanding were available all along; he just chose not to see and feel. Also the change in mood toward the end is refreshing after the heavier reflections of his past. Same thoughts on the parenthetical sections; they reflect this same sense of changed perspective--the speaker has learned from the winds, the past.
There is an order to this story-- a climbing of notes, of vines, of character. Nicely done.
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Thank you Ten-
for these very helpful comments, a thorough reading and I appreciate the effort needed to do this, so well...PK
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boy pete can I relate to this what a great job
love the rev papa
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Thank you Rev-
sometime the sermon is really for ourselves...thanks for your kind words, so much appreciated...PK
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"...renewed, we are able to rise to tomorrow..."
A treasure trove of thought paths
you have created here,
as well as images to discern
with great care.
So many memorable lines,
but that of hope remains
in my mind.
Bravo, poet.
Aesthete
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Thank you Aesthete-
for reading and for your kind and generous words...so very much appreciated...PK
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The softness and delicacy with which you examine the protagonist in this poem belies the intensity of the message. You have a marvelous way of presenting the harshest thoughts carefully protected with a velvet glove.
The entire work is filled with quotable passages, but I was particularly taken with "Yesterdays may not be fully trusted." and "Bones speak, sing eternal like ivory and tusk memories."
Although I always enjoy reading your poetry, this verse is one of my favorites and will be bookmarked to be read again. I am pleased I am not the one who must decide the fate of the poets in this round. Peace, Liz
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Thank you Liz-
wish you the best as you proceed in the challenge, hope you have a great time, stayin' alive...PK
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"Bones speak, sing eternal
like ivory and tusk memories
renewed,"
that was cool.
good luck in the challenge.
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Best of luck to you Tyler as you move on in the challenge...PK
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