[ I have lived a life of lesser lows ]

I have lived a life of lesser lows
Than that which finds me now
Windows of freedom
Threatened by past misgivings
Of passions inflamed

And at last i grasp my thoughts
Just like the cold leather of the wheel
Steal into the night as my watcher slumbers
Careful to erase my presence in preperation
For the finale

The faint glow of the streetlights
Strobe my face as i travel - closer
To that place of temptation and betrayal
Determination set in amber hue
And sunday best

Clarity of mind prevents me
From giving up the game too soon
So i drive through streets i know
Will not be travelled and settle
Somewhere

The winter winds of cold small hours
Pleads with me to change my mind
But this is no decision between these options
And only one chance left at freedom
From my crime

The blanket of night conceals another
Illegal entry to my former home
It is no surprise to find it empty
As i know her movements
Like the sunrise

I pause to take a breath
Of fading memories in pictures
The smell of leather
And her perfume
It all seeps in

And i can feel her rapid fire fists now
Her loathing warms the air
In my last hallucination
But i'm without my reservations
This time

And i savour the sound
Of the steel in my boot
As it meets with her skull
"It should have been you. You fucking bitch!"
It strengthens my resolve

I take a pen a scrawl a note
That only she will ever see
My hand is steady and my words concise
A talent not possessed in this life
Of indecision and ambivalence

My direction is clear like all dead end streets
As i make my way into her kitchen
And take my knife from her drawer
I take a moment to myself to laugh at this irony
Of my moonlit messer

With a smile i take the blade and strip my veins
Of my right wrist and then my left
And the blood flows
From the tension in my shoulders
At long last

And here i have time to savour
My final moments of bleeding freedom
As i watching the crimson of my soul
Pool on the floor and turn to sorrow
Just like life

A soft and almost silent cry escaped me
Mirroring the noise she made
I couldn't take it
The tears stream down my face
As i decide it's time

With my lefthand i take my head from behind
As the rights comes to the front
And i silence my cries with a seven inch slice
And fall to my knees
And grin twice

And vision fades
In the cold of the floor
In the cold of the crimson
And the cooling of veins
And i'm gone

She came home with the sunrise
To find me cold there at home
Like any other day becomes a day like no other
The result of both our evils
Innate

As silent tears of shock escape her
She spys my final testimony
And her hands shake as she reads
"This will be your prison now not mine,
So call the cops again"