You presented rings,
in proposal for disintegration
not by crumbing at the seams
or shattering,
but voluntary avoidance
where me and you
shouldn't take a break
or pretend to glue ourselves
to each other,
but to remain poles apart
because compromisesare fragments of lies
that make up
you.
Author notes
Entry for: Project Poetry - Round 6
Artist Chosen: Rami Kashou
Picture #3
Explanation:
She looks like she's ready for battle.
Now you tell me:
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Wow. The title really did something for me personally. The first couplet is a very clever allusion to the wedding ring motif. Very good twist. The first stanza is by far my favorite, I love how expressive it is. And the way you separate "you" in the end suggests a lot. Nice.
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Thank you!
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You have the stint to sting.
Have I told you I adore you lately?
You are brilliant.
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This was a lovely poem. I loved it. It sorta, describes my ex. Weird, hm? It didn't work out (of course) but great poem. =) I hope to read more from you.
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AHH! still in torment I see, isn't life a bitch!... or dog, whichever gender you like to use. How are you?...ian.
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If I breathe good, I have to say I'm should be completely happy
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Not sure about the ending, pests seems to be such a weak word after what has gone before. First three stanzas are right up there with your usual high standard I just felt the end let it down abit (you know how I love good endings)
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lol, yeah, I know -
is it any better now?
and thanks
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a suggestion;
I'd change the last stanza to read;
afterall, compromises
are made of lies fragments
I don't think you need a direct person for that last stanza, what has gone before leads the reader in the right direction and allows the final stanza to seem a little vague because the association has already been made.
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hehe i like this piece its pretty and dark with metaphors..just how they taste best lol. best of luck
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Good stuff.
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