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Power Above the Waters (Behrquain Swirl)

Missing image

(*)(*)(*) 

Long necks
entwined in hearts
leaving a sweet picture
displaying beauty in ones mind
Ripples of waters kiss
forthcoming shores
with force
while the skies sing
in rhythm of Earth’s cries
Soft winds that carry passion are
interlocked by their love
Immobile they
become
while bills do play
and lost in love they dance
Perfect unity has been shared
In Mother Natures trance
romance abounds
freely
Blending in life
delicate swans will play
along  sandy shores they'll dive
and lay their trials beneath
their white feathers
as one
(*)(*)(*)

Author notes

....the Behrquain Swirl ~
Created by me, Arkbear,
....please give credit ~
Syllable count:
2
4
6
8
6
4
2
4
6
8
6
4
2
4
6
8
6
4
2
4
6
8
6
4
2
The only punctuation I want you to use.....is NONE!
Capping the beginning of your new sentence,
is the way I want to stop and start within your write ~
Aestheticas are 95% of your score....no exceptions!

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Arkbear gold member
    July 1

    Edit | Reply

    Hi Tory :)

     

    First impression.....beautiful effort and wonderful Form ~

     

    :)

     

    However.....>>>>   You need to close up a space after *along*....last Swirl - ......and....you have 7 syllables....should be 8 ~

    { along space - space sandy shores they'll dive }  .....  http://www.wordscount.info/hw/syllable.jsp

     

    Alright....your Flow is outstanding....you CAPPED exactly where it should have been Capped......you slowed the Reader down with your Tone and did not have to use a single punctuation...bravo!

     

    The Theme is so surreal and gentlle....lovliness beaming from every line ~

     

    Your 2nd ( 8 ) syllable line is.....maybe....1, or 2 leters out of sync with perfect aesthetics....but other than that.....your dedication to perfection is well-noted ~

     

    ( Soft winds carrying passion are = 8 syll )

    ( interlocked by their love = 6 syll )

     

    Not much to critique here.....only to say, this is the way you get my attention!

     

    Good luck and God bless you!

     

    Bear ~

     

     

  • Volfeng
    June 28
    Edit | Reply
    gorgeous in form and words, simply beautiful, my love

  • jamiedoring gold member
    June 27

    Edit | Reply
    Wow you truly make this look effortless...the flow is just beautiful and the aestetics are lovely. Great job and good luck in the contest.


  • cricketjeff gold member
    June 25
    Edit | Reply
    There is no-one better at these forms, well done.

  • x-Black-Butterfly-x silver member
    June 25

    Edit | Reply
    this is such a beautiful write and the imagery and softness in your words is mind gripping and powerfully done. wel done mummy

  • Angels Whispers gold member
    June 24

    Edit | Reply
    Hey there sweet one you have done an awesome job with this write.I wish you all the best in the contest.Take care and blessings to you.
    ~Angel~

1 - 8 of 8