Stern dictation masked
mortification,
poring holes into heartbeats
where rhythm succumbs to
silence
and control is passed to arrowheads
piercing breath
as it stifled affection
that never existed.
Author notes
Entry for: Project Poetry - Round 6
Artist Chosen: Rami Kashou
Picture #4
Explanation:
The first thing I saw when I saw the picture was what she was holding in her hand. It kind of looked like [in the bottom] an arrow. So I thought she was some maniac, strict cupid - dressed in black.
A contest entry
- PRE - WRITES WITHOUT TROPHIES ONLY by lindaburns.
1750 points, ended July 28, 2008, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites From June 2008 by amaranthine lover.
1100 points, ended July 30, 2008, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Now you tell me:
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I really like this piece. I enjoy where you've taken the prompt, I think it's a unique take. My favourite lines are "as it stifled affection/that never existed." I like the free form you've chosen, it definitely works for you. Well done, good job
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Intense imagery here that really gives the poem such impact. Well done and good luck!
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I really like the disjointed feel of this poem. It builds the tension through the poem then this tension is perfectly released by the last line. Well done nd good luck!!
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the last few lines said it all for me
youre beautiful with words
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Damn intense. Damn good. Cheers!
Anansey -
I think the other judges overlooked this piece: it is stunning and well written and definitely deserving of a a trophy.
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Judge:
This is just one long sentence, isn’t it?
I’m guessing Black Cupid would be like
Anti Cupid or Cherub of Hate.
Interesting. Thanks for entering my contest.
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The imagery here is, breath-taking. You've taken something we are all very familar with -Cupid and added a new, darker element to it and created 'Black Cupid'. And by establishing this new being, you de-construct what the original Cupid set out to do as if he 'never existed'.
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"and control is passed to arrowheads
piercing breath"
dang, that's intense - but i love it.
this one is more consistent with the profoundness [if that's even a word? lol] even though this one is simpler. good luck.
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Amazing imagery and language and flow and everything, as usual
You always find a great way to slip in alliteration without being painfully obvious but to make it flow right off the tongue. The last line is sad but brilliant. Only critique I have is "peircing" should be "piercing" 
(remember I before E except after C! XD) Love you darlin'
Jeanette*~
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*murders the word*
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wonderful poem. you've penned some great imagery into this piece, as well as emotion
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