You reel me in just to heedlessly push. me. away;
Shoving my diminutive flaws back in my wounded face
Just to make you feel better about your own imperfections
Terrified && broken is all I've become
I've lost my renewed strength to become someone
Unaware of the control you have on my deceived heart
Neglectfully I place it in your wretched hands
Sinfully waiting to be torn apart
I search for an ignited potential;
Do I have the potency to take a stand?
Blame me for being there unconditionally
I guess it wasn't enough;
Battling your fights and destroying your constant wars
Hate me for believing your excuses and lies
&& If that still isn't enough;
Why don't you carelessy break me down some more?
The endless insecurities...why can't I. walk. away?;
Frozen in place by your dithering "love"
Do you feel like a man because you feel in control?
Disgusted && defeated is all I've become
I've lost my built-up hope to become someone
So go ahead;; blame me
Blame me for being there unconditionally
But I guess it wasn't enough.
I don't care;; hate me
Hate me for believing your excuses and lies
&& If that still isn't enough
Why don't you carelessly break me down some more?
Author notes
Inspiration:
"'Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you'
Blue October"
[I'd stare at the sun for you, allow myself to go blind, because your face is etched in my mind anyway]
Definitely a different piece of mine, but idk. I might like it :] I'd like all of your inputs !! <333
In a list
A contest entry
- Baby, you would say anything, let's keep to the scripted quotes shall we? by Kiss the girl--x.
525 points, ended July 1, 2008, 20 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Break My Heart by Mistress Masquerade.
600 points, ended July 11, 2008, 47 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
pleassse tell me what you think :]
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Emotionally captivating and riveting
However, you shouldn't be the scapegoat for something that isn't your fault
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GORGEUZ
your poems are always good
i think your my fave poet,
"Unaware of the control you have on my deceived heart
Neglectfully I place it in your wretched hands
Sinfully waiting to be torn apart"
i so know where you're coming from
XXX he broke me
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I love Blue October, just so you know, haha. I realte to this piece and its seems to be so real. It is well written and full of emotion, I love how you made certain words pop out more than others. Good luck and thank you.
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Wow this was just great. very well written and it was worded so well. thanks alot for entering my contest. I wish you the best of luck.
..<3..
Shelly -
Amazinggg
Whoa, hoe, I loveee this =]]]] We are changing so much as people in some ways && it's definitely being brought out in our newest poems.
*Disgusted && defeated is all I've become
I've lost my built-up hope to become someone*
These are my favorite lines EVERRRR, ahhhh I don't even need to tell you that I can relate to them because you're the one person who knows that, haha.
*Hate me for believing your excuses and lies
&& If that still isn't enough;
Why don't you carelessly break me down some more?*
I love the repetition of thattt. It draws the reader [ahem, myself
] in and completely captivates them!
This poem was soo powerful & amazing and fantabulous and different but I love it because it shows that you're fed up and has the tone/attitude of "do what you want to me, i don't even care anymore, you're worthless".
Girl, you've come soo far & there's no way I'm gonna let you go back to square one, ever, okay?!?
Lovveee youuu very much my best friend<333333
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So the repeated stanza....I don't know that I can say "nice", because it's not, really. It's so bitter, but it works remarkably well. And I can identify with that feeling, so...well-done. There's someone I need to tell that same thing...
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Hmmm!!!
I think I found my favorite poem of yours!!
This may not be personal to you but, it screams what my heart is feeling. I might even make the guy who makes me feel this way read this. This is an amazing poem.
"Blame me for being there unconditionally"
I believe this is the most powerful line to me. I was always there unconditionally, loving and giving, and in the end it's never worth anything.
This poem is by far my favorite I've read on Allpoetry so far. I can tell I'll be back to read this one some more.
Great write, and good luck in the contest. <3
-Colin
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Awww thanks !! It really means a lot. I almost teared up a bit :') haha your comments are so nice ! <3
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you're full of potential you know that? hate is a strong word ...I prefer " I strongly dislike (insert name here)" jk...this is yet another great piece...you seriously have something to do with heartbreak/depression do ya?
Keep writing and good luck in the contest!!!
Lieu
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Thanks ! Yes, hate is a strong word. It actually, for once, wasn't something personal. I've been heartbroken before...but I was just inspired by a song this time :] Thanks for reading yo<3
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I see...I see it ALL it's just amazing how a pic/quote inspired ya into writing a poem/story about huh? life it's just dark inspiration
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Mhmm exactly
&& yeah, it really is.
<333
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This Is purely amazing I can really feel the emotions and the hatred and everything! NOW YOU'VE GOT BIG TALENT I LOVE IT!
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Haha thanks !!
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I like it. Really like it.
*finalist*
'Blame me for being there unconditionally
I guess it wasn't enough;'
loves that^^
I also love how you've almost not turned the song around, but turned it round, where in the song it's very much I'm sorry I wasn't enough, where you're saying the same thing but you were there more than enough and it still wasn't enough. Am I making sense? :/ lol
Basically, I think it's great
♥
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Thanks ! Yeah, I was sooo freaking agitated earlier;; I started writing this and I finished it, but then it didn't SAVE and I forgot to save it on my computer so I had to rewrite the whole thing over again. I usually never have much patience, but I finished ! And yes, haha you make sense. That's what I tried to do <333
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