We Were-
We Were Um-
See-
We were talking some ssshit
I don't even really remember.
Something about Nothing-
Which really don't even matter.
The words they never came out right-
But it's not like we meant them.
-
I know you'll say anything
When you start drinking.
I told you we was lonely
Said you just couldn't feel it.
Boy-
It don't matter
I know we both fucking need it.
Forced smiles && Repeated verses
Hollow laughter && Learned responses
[Really,
It's all we live for, now.]
We were-
We were-
See-
We were talking some ssshit
On the living room carpet
Wasn't intentional-
But I know he'd want it.
Sex && Cigarettes
Accidents && Regrets
[Really,
It's all we know, now.]
Author notes
Not my best but I tried. Hope it's good enough. Please submit HONEST comments.
A contest entry
- Is Dirty Pretty a Lost Cause? by Hell In Harmony.
6500 points, ended July 22, 2008, 37 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
♥
Comments
-
i really like this
it's so real
and you can feel the frustration
and the pain
behind each word that just won't come out. -
We Were-
We Were Um-
See-
We were talking some ssshit
I don't even really remember.
Something about Nothing-
Which really don't even matter.
The words they never came out right-
But it's not like we meant them.
-
I know you'll say anything
When you start drinking.
-----
See-
We were talking some ssshit
On the living room carpet
Wasn't intentional-
But I know he'd want it.
Sex && Cigarettes
Accidents && Regrets
[Really,
It's all we know, now.]
--------
Love the repetition. Love the way the words seemed to fall apart, loved the way it seemed like you were figuring it out as you went, like a real conversation, it was just so relatable and realistic. I believed it. Thank you so much for trying this new form, It might have been a little shaky and unorganized at parts, but OH MY GOD, its a giant step forward of ideas, and inspiration for me. THANK you.
Kat
-
-
Thanks so much for the comment. I've yet to revise this so I know it's not my best.
I sort of took the idea for the concept of your contest how everything is so repetitive and cliche. So I tried to retain the essential ideas and images of dirty pretty but make it into a more comprehensible sober form [without as much punctuation].
The basis of the actual poem itself is from the Modest Mouse song, Talking Some Shit about a Pretty Sunset, because I really liked the title and some of the lyrics- but not really the song. I thought about how a lot of songs are like that.
I thought maybe you could relate.
-
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