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Dinner for Two [4 - 4]

Serve me my heart on a silver platter
Filled with tainted love and regret
Dine with me, help me to cannibalize
It's an entree you won't forget

A heart filled with strawberry blood
It's a delicious brand of desire
Served with a flower and a side of champagne
To set the sweet tongue on fire

No napkin needed, just lick your lips
Don't let yourself lose a taste
It's like an orgasm for your taste buds
To spare a drop would be a waste

Which flavor's the most dominant
When it comes to my beating, sweet heart?
Strawberry desire, pomegranate regret
Sweet, sour, delicious, or tart?

Come dine with me this evening, dear
Like velvet I'll whisper to you
Sweet promises to garnish your core
It's your heart that's next in the stew

Author notes

Option 4-4. chasingwhiterabbits.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Darkwell
    September 15, 2008
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    this is just a triumph from the first word to the stew OMG you are an AaMmAaZzIiNnGg poet

    i cant even pick a favorite stanza because they all rule!

    OK Ill pick one

    Come dine with me this evening, dear
    Like velvet I'll whisper to you
    Sweet promises to garnish your core
    It's your heart that's next in the stew

    Elizabeth Browning eat your heart out




  • KyleBerg gold member
    August 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Delightfully creepy I really like all the amazing description, and the twist at the end is great! The 'heart filled with strawberry blood' in particular is an image that spooked me. I loved reading it Well done.


  • Jonathan ROBIN
    August 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Significant Potential

    Promising young voice and this particular piece deserved more than to be entered into a contest with 50 or even 5 options where appropriate judgement is virtually impossible.

    Perhaps an IQ test would be recommended to enable the author to comfort the search for self-validation without necessarily needing to seek advice from those less apt if not inapt.

    Vocabulary used here is richer than that shown by many who describe themselves as 'older and wiser' and, like vintage champagne, will doubtless tickle the taste buds of the future


  • Riamh
    August 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    The amazing imagery in this poem is to be complimented. Very well done.
    Slayer


  • sharptooth
    July 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I liked the metaphor here - the word cannibalize added a nice touch, as well. : )

  • Darkwell
    June 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This, by Phar, is one of the kewlest love poems i ever read OK seriously this rocks.

    i love all the stanzas but this one especially because strawberry is my fav fruit an pomegranit is my fav juice an i love the way you made your heart into flavors

    Which flavor's the most dominant
    When it comes to my beating, sweet heart?
    Strawberry desire, pomegranate regret
    Sweet, sour, delicious, or tart?

    Just awesome WTG!!!


    • chasingwhiterabbits
      June 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Haha name pun alert!

      Thank you so much for the compliment! I was so unsure when I wrote it, I'm glad you like it


  • x--nocturnia--x
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very nice!!! I really liked this. A few notes:

    I hate fuscia as a text colour it is simply awful.
    You could, to assist the flow, rework your last verse just a touch.

    But hey, I'm just the judge, what do I know

    Thankyou for this fantastic entry, and best of luck.

    • chasingwhiterabbits
      June 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah sorry about the fuscia, I hate it too. I just chose it because it fit with the strawberries. Thanks for your critique!


  • LadyDementia gold member
    June 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Neatly done, some awesome descriptions leading to fantastic imagery. All the best in the contest


  • awaiting.deletion
    June 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hm, this is nice...very nice indeed...creepy in that...creepy way, I suppose...the choice of words, ah, and the descriptions...very lovely indeed...


    • chasingwhiterabbits
      June 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you

      "creepy in that...creepy way." <- That's just amazing right there. But I'm glad you liked it!

1 - 12 of 12