Meandering down the dusky roads
Watching fireflies flicker to and fro:
Miniatures of bonfires glowing across the field,
Where myriads of children, laughing and carefree,
are running and playing in the golden-orange light.
It’s too early for monsters- they’re under lock and key
Until bedtime when the room is dark - then
For flashlights children reach,
Shining them on closets
Without venturing out of bed,
“Monsters, are you in there?” But...
Right now all is well in the warm firelight
Gazing at the greying sky, waiting,
Hoping to see a shooting star, flitting like a butterfly
On silky wings of evening breeze;
Far away, singing the melody
Of sweet summertime dreams.
Author notes
Bookgirl
Fireflies, Dirt Roads, Lock and Keys, Shooting/Falling Stars, Bonfires, Butterfly Wings, Monsters, Dreams, Closets, Flashlights.
A contest entry
- Inspiration by Words. [[Love Me.]] by They Say Shannon.
300 points, ended July 30, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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well, it wsa okay. i personally dont like the way this peice is written. i'm sorry, i just get somewhat particular with my poetry. i do htink it is nice, and you did use the words nicely though. over all it was okay to read, just not as thouroughly enjoyable.
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Thank you for reading and commenting. Here are some suggestions as far as type-o's:
"well" should be capitalized because it is the first word in the sentence.
"wsa" should be "was"
"i" should be capitalized - this one occurs three times
"dont" needs an apostrophe: "don't"
"peice" should be "piece"
"i'm" should be capitalized
"htink" should be "think"
"thouroughly" should be "thoroughly"
I appreciate your honesty, as well as the 'applause'! (I am particular with my poetry, too.)
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Wow, de ja vu, lol
I read your other copy already, but I had some other thoughts on it so I''ll comment here too.
The things that can be seen if we take the time to just stroll along and look. The world can seem a dream, with all its beautiful imagery and that is what you capture, the simple beauty of nature and how they relate to memories...for it's not always physical meandering that sees the true nature of things.
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Haha! Yeah... that queer 'dejavu' feeling... I wonder why???
I don't know why it's posted twice - I seem to remember it had something to do with entering it in a contest once, and then some glitch wouldn't let me delete one without erasing both!
Anyway, I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review! Thanks for the applause, as well!
I have to agree with you about taking time to see the beauties of nature... and that it's not always physical meandering that sees the true nature of things. Great insight.
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Awesome job here! Thanks for such a wonderful, meaningful write! I love the word meandering...lol. Awesome job again! Keep it up.
Best wishes. -
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Thanks for the comments. Glad you liked it.
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good good!
very good! -
this takes me back to my childhood. i wanted to close my eyes an remember the sounds.
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Thank you for reading and for the review. Glad you like it!
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great piece! wonderful use of the word bank there. bravo!
♥ Kathraina -
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Thanks for the review!
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Nice construction of the word bank. You have captured the magical stillness of a summer evening and the bright-eyed wonder of childhood.
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Thank you! What a lovely review.
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I think this poem just became one of my favorites. It captures so well this feeling of being as carefree as a child, running around the neighborhood and catching fireflies in jars. It's a feeling I wish I could feel more in life, but at least there is art such as this that will allow me to hang on to the feeling even in the darkest of my winter days. Bravo on this piece and I hope you continue to keep writing because I am in love with your work!
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Thanks for the wonderful comment! I'm so very pleased that this poem touched you and meant something to you. Your words are a lovely encouragement to keep writing. Thank you for reading and leaving such a lovely review!
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This brings back memories of days gone by when I would put fireflies in a jar to ward off all of those awful monsters.So little pleasure like that there seems to be these days.Magical aren't they.Tis is very well written.i think you incorperated alot into your words and that they were chosen well.i thought the first line was effective and the last tied everything together.I do not think that I would add anything though I liked it just the way that you wrote it.
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Very wonderful imagery you've used here. So very true, how children tend to see the world through eyes of wonder, rather than just taking them for what the adults tell them. They all seem to have a need to explore for their own to form their own views and understandings.
This makes me think of some children I've known and the one I still am.
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Thanks for the lovely review! Delighted that you could relate to it in some way.
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Humm..what a literary piece with wonderful immageries you brought knitting a very effectrive poetry around the beautiful words..thank you so much for this piece..well done...
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Wow. Thank you very much for the kind words. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it!
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I really enjoyed this piece. Reminded me of my youth and how everything can be an adventure. Your tone and rhythm work perfectly for this piece. Nice job.
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Thank you very much!! Such kind words!
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...wow this is nice!
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