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Once Love, Once Lost, Once again?

I watch your face
I wish you saw
That this heart of mine
Still loves you
And now that we're lost
How about
Once again?

Consider the conditions
Remember once love
And if the world
Was ending
How about
Once again?

Remember what we lost
The wishes that we made
The promises
I broke
You broke
So that at we were
Once lost
So how about
Once again?

Author notes

"I know it's mad, but if the world were ending would you kiss me or just leave me?" --Do You Know What I'm Seeing?
So I was literally listening to this song when I wrote this. It made me happy.

A contest entry

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Comments


  • Mad As Rabbits
    June 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Haha it's a fabulous song, isn't it???

    I liked this overall. I think it could've used a bit more depth perhaps, more descriptions and imagery, but other than that I like it. I'm an imagery nut though, so that could be all that is lol.

    Some of the line breakage was kind of annoying on the reader, just because the whole single for thing at the end of some stanzas.

    The biggest thing about this is that I think you should've shown more than you told. Instead of maybe describing how willing you feel to try it again, you sort of just basically only said that. Try to challenge your reader more.

    Good job, overall.

    Thanks for entering.

    Love Always,

    Caroline