With each step you take my heart beats faster,
With each word you speak my esteem grows weaker.
With each lash from your belt the pain comes easier,
With every moment spent with you I die quicker.
Author notes
Short and to the point. I feel that if I added any more it would take away from the power of the piece.
A contest entry
- give me your pain. by aanika.
525 points, ended July 2, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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this poem is very to the point, and i think it would be well-received in other contests.
however, this isn't really what i was looking for with this contest
i wanted something with a lot of feeling and imagery.
not saying this isn't good,
it's just not right for this.
keep writing
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It is powerful as it sits. So much feeling and pain filling up in such few words.
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Oh this is very sad and I think I agree that length would weaken it.
So sad. I hope this is not true to your life. Please IM me sometime and let me know what's been up.
Good luck in the contest! -
wow...very powerful
short, but stunning
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Very powerful, I like this piece short it works for it... good job.
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