Midnight has finally come,
the church bells chime,
I sit amongst tombstones
crumbling with old age
in this over-grown cemetery.
As a raven's call echoes
through the dark shadows,
my pulse races; frightened,
but excited at the touch
of your invisible fingers.
Your passionate whispers
making the temptation
to leave this barren place
grow stronger and stronger,
just one quick motion.
BANG!
Morning has finally come,
the church bells chime,
your fingers no longer
an invisible caress
in this over-grown cemetery.
Author notes
Word Bank #3:
Temptation
Invisible
Raven
Cemetery
Passion. (( I hope you don't mind but I used 'passionate' instead of passion.... I asked but you'd logged out..))
A contest entry
- Darkwrite Extravaganza Season II, Round IV by Immortal Obscurity.
300 points, ended July 1, 2008, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Love Story With A Twist by Venus25.
425 points, ended September 16, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Love it, great poem
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Super dupa!
Midnight has finally come,
the church bells chime,
Result.... had me hooked straight away! This is well written and a joy to read!
Thanks for you entry!
Best of luck my dear! -
Honestly? Just get rid of most of the commas you have at the end of most of the lines, and this'll be pretty good. While commas certainly help clarify a sentence, in this case, there are a few too many--such as in the first stanza.
This wasn't bad though; probably the second best I've read here. -
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oohhh... okays thanks!
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Wow... You have done a stellar job with the word bank. This one was one of the more difficult ones, but I see that you have done it great justice. This is going to be really hard! Well done, and good luck!
Laura
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Thank you
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Great poem Kate!
i likes it very much
Goodluck
luv Tam xxx
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Thank you
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ooh!!!
so darK!
i love the scene you create!
oh my...am i correct in say that this person...."went out with a bang"
to be with their lover who had passed away already?
I really enjoyed it!
love the repetition too!
it begins and closes the poem really well!
best of luck in the contest!!!
~s.p.
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Indeed you would be... and Thank you for the comment.
and good luck to you too!!
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This is well done, great use of the given word bank as well, good luck in this round.
**Ktulu Blackwolfe**
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Thank you
and good luck to you too!!
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