Proudly, in circle, they stand tall,
Aveb’ry, a Pagan’s hallowed hall.
For all my wrongs I will atone,
When in their midst, I’m not alone.
I feel their strength, absorb their power,
High above me Ancients tower.
Sanctuary of standing stone,
Sat in their midst, I’m not alone.
My age of youth has gone with time,
The magic still has flow and rhyme.
I learn with them the way of Crone,
Stood in their midst, I’m not alone.
Proudly, in circle, they stand tall,
Lost in their midst, I’m not alone.
Author notes
I have varied the refrain line of my Kyrielle Sonnet http://allpoetry.com/poem/4361279 not really sure it works though. Please let me know your thoughts.
In a list
Criticical or casual comments welcome
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I think some of the power of the repeating line is lost with the variation. Though I do like the movement (sat, stood, lost), gives it a bit more personal feel.
Lovely either way...
K
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Ah now the reason for both theses is I was writing for the Avebury Chronicle, and couldn't decide, they chose the other one. So that is my first in and only published one.
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I'm a stranger to this sonnet form.
For me, now that you've pointed out the refrain,"Sat" and "Stood" of the 2nd and 3rd stanzas are past tense in present tense lines. Or they imply you've been forced in attendance.
I especially like "Lost in their midst, I’m not alone." A sense of lonely wonder while feeling the circle's lingering presence.
I like the eerie old world feel of "Pagan’s hallowed hall", "Ancients tower" and "Sanctuary of standing stone".
Very polished poetry site.
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Yes the magick does have rhyme and flow
One has to be there to feel the power of the stones
in fact the whole area there has so much power.
I have been up to the top of the monumental hill
and kept vigil and witnessed thing one would not believe
Nice work.
Blessed be
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I believe you, I have seen, felt, heard so much there.
Thank you
Blessed be
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I agree with Sue the orignal is the best although its just one word in the refrain you have changed in each one it kinda looses the effect the Kyrille has with the refrain but both versions are great just the same
xxx Your angel xxx
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Thank you Ju
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I prefer the original Kyrielle sonnet, it seems to have more punch with no variation to the refrain line, but both are excellent...Sue
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Thank you Sue, I'm really in a muddle puddle with this as the variation is me playing with the emotions I feel at Avebury (not very successfully I must say) the other is course work and therefore restricted to all the rules, which of course makes me want to rebel.
Jem xxx
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