Today was so long coming.
Inside, somewhere.
I never imagined it really would.
Many nights i had fantasised
about what it would've been like
and now that it's here
i feel almost, inept.
This dying urge to hide, appealling.
So much so i question for what reasoning.
Why am i forced to shy away
for a day, almost a year in preparing.
With weight on either scale
i can only conclude
that i was never really prepared
in the first place,
as i did honestly convince myself
that this was the age of digital love.
Inspired by many, accomplished by few.
In that i queerie my understanding
of the term so easily misused- love.
Almost as if to trick myself.
It's not me that it's being used for.
I bounce it back and forth
and for now speculation is merely parallel
to the reality i once knew of me and you.
Instead, today.
Rather than a day of celebration,
i sit alone and ponder.
What it is i'm searching for?
Will reveal itself to me
between these lines?
With my head leading my heart
and heart leading my head.
The one thing i know
is that this unsurity
it derives from the mixed and matched feelings
that are returned,
and if and when they are ever direct.
Maybe then.
Author notes
Welcome to Australia.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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With weight on either scale
i can only conclude
that i was never really prepared
in the first place,
as i did honestly convince myself
that this was the age of digital love.
Inspired by many, accomplished by few.... my favorite verse...
i think yr writing is interesting... it left me to wonder the whole time reading what was the "Story"... i am not sure i have what you meant , but i took something away from it... and that after all is what poetry is... something to help someone else through their issues... or at least it is for me... haha... your talent is amazing... i hope to read more of your work...
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Hmmmmm ...
I'm not at all fond of love poems or lost love poems, but since I clicked, I suppose I should say something about this anyway. I do wonder why you don't capitalize your personal "i", however? I see that a lot here, and rarely read any further, as I dislike it intensely, and I am not overly fond of free verse at any time.
As to the poem, itself, it's really not a bad job for what it is. There are problems though.
Here, the last two lines don't make sense:
Instead, today.
Rather than a day of celebration,
i sit alone and ponder.
What it is i'm searching for?
Will reveal itself to me
between these lines?
I assume you mean, "Will IT reveal itself to me", since that seems to be the only logical interpretation.
It appears that this is a poem about an internet affair, although that is not even definite. You have misspelled "query" in case you want to fix it.
Here, you don't need the "it"
The one thing i know
is that this unsurity
it derives from the mixed and matched feelings (remove it)
that are returned,
and if and when they are ever direct.
I would suggest cutting this down, a lot. You could say all of it in a few much more powerful lines. That's one of the major disadvantages of free verse: it encourages the writer to ramble rather than prune the writing down to the essentials.
I hope that helps.
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Are you seeking
inept
or
in depth
critique?
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mm I love it. The title really caught my attention. When you mention the scales twice, it got me thinking about Libra, another zodiac sign. I love the part that you talk about the age of digital love. mmm very good. Well done.
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full of imagery a bit of metaphor and fraught with meaning well written ~mandie~
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this is totally Stellar! i love the way it just flows! ur a great poet!
xAbbyxGracex -
With weight on either scale
i can only conclude
that i was never really prepared
in the first place,
as i did honestly convince myself
that this was the age of digital love.
Inspired by many, accomplished by few.
That's brilliant- really!
The whole poem is smashing
I love it, keep up the good work
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