Softly spoken questions,
seeking truth from another soul,
answered with honest denial.
Led me to walk back down the path,
I had followed to your heart.
Grabbing the heartstrings
that trailed behind me,
you wrenched me back to say -
"I can't believe you would give up so easily,
my denials are due to questions
scratching at the surface of my feelings".
To no longer be your confidant,
would leave me bitter and empty.
To no longer admire your radiance,
would forever cloud my skies.
To no longer hold your love in my heart,
would be to wallow in devestation's abyss.
But the bitterest pill to swallow,
would be if you kept walking out of my life,
I would become the ashes left behind
as a footnote of the pyre.
Author notes
Quote prompt:
"I asked you if you liked me, you said no.
I asked you if I was pretty, you said no.
I asked you if I was in your heart, you said no.
I asked you if you would cry if I walked away, you said no.
So I walked away...
you grabbed my arm and said...
I don't like you, I love you...
You're not pretty, you're beautiful...
You're not in my heart, you are my heart...
And I wouldn't cry if you walked away,
I would die... I love you" - Author Unknown
129 words - apologies but I couldn't keep this under 100 words. Hope you enjoy anyway.
In a list
A contest entry
- I asked you - Quote Inspired by Hekate.
425 points, ended June 30, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Detailed critique welcome
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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This is packed with such lovely imagery and wonderful flow, I did not know when I reached the end..a well deserved gold I would say...
Grabbing the heartstrings
that trailed behind me,
you wrenched me back to say -
love these lines, so original and so apt for the prompt!
A lot of talent dear poet in your pen!
Congrats!
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thanks so much for your review and compliments, I am glad that the piece is able to capture the attention and emotions of those who read. that in itself means more to me than a virtual trophy.
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You are very welcome..I am glad I read this piece!
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This is really amazing, and very well done!
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WOW Daddey this is amazing.. so true and yes its sometimes a bitter pill to swallow. you did an excellent job with this. the emotions are strong and raw. and they leap off the page as I was reading this.
good luck in the contest
kat
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This is a wonderful response to the prompt. The background is totally awesome with it too. Good luck....
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oh how true your words are and I expect many people can relate to the the bitterness pills of love by the actions of anothers ways but if we are not happy with in ourselfes we find it difficult to share with others because we never find ourself only when we have found ourselfs can we become as one with another the past does not eqaul the future a wonderful poem with so much raw emotion within the following lines
Grabbing the heartstrings
that trailed behind me,But the bitterest pill to swallow,would be if you kept walking out of my life,
I would become the ashes left behind as a footnote of the pyre. good luck in the contest
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I love this one and the title is exquisite and perfect...I can relate to this and it is more powerful than I think you realize...Amazing write, Cuz
Lynda
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thanks cuz, it's both good and sad that you can relate to this piece, sad in that you know these feelings, good in that you can release the emotion and have the strength to move forwards. I appreciate your comments as always
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Happy consultation!
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finished the poem, and was surprised by winning gold, I'd appreciate your review if and when you have spare time.
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you can do it daddy... I know you can..
good luck
kat
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