I can't seem to let you go
Even now,
I feel the ghost of you
Slipping your arms around my waist and whispering
"I love you"
It was such a simple phrase
But it could be blown up like a balloon
And look like more than it actually was
Even now,
I hope to cling to the last of who you were
Hold on to all the good things
And still manage to move forward into a world that's become my own
"I love you"
It was such a dangerous phrase
Such a beautiful and wicked thing to tell someone
Especially a girl who you knew would follow you to the ends of the earth
Even now,
I force myself to replay everything in my head
Just so I'll remember your face
Since they say that you forget a person after they're gone from your life
"I love you"
It was the worst thing to say
To a girl who knew you meant it
To a girl who knew just how impermanent you were to her
Even then,
You didn't think I could see past your front of "good health"
Even though you tried to calm my worries
I knew they were only warm and pretty lies
Author notes
"I love you"
*** This poem holds a lot of emotional value to me. It's undoubtedly not my best but it says some of the things I've been trying to get across for a while.
A contest entry
- Give me the emotion I want from you. by LivingxXxProof.
800 points, ended June 24, 2008, 19 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites by aeolia.
400 points, ended October 26, 2008, 130 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Want Depression Poems (Make Me Want To Cry) by sophia moonfairy.
600 points, ended July 27, 2008, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Teens & Young Adults by DAMSELx.
300 points, ended August 30, 2008, 101 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please leave a comment, yo.
Comments
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Ok; I'm going to comment based from a rigidly objective view; so don't take it thank I'm being callous.
Left-align and get rid of unnecessary cap'ed letters at the beginning of lines. It's distracting, period.
"Especially a girl who you knew would follow you to the ends of the earth">>>this is rather cliche.
I know with all the repetition; you're trying to sear into the readers minds how much of an impact 'I love you' can have ...but personally, it didn't do much for me. It was just redundant. As was the "Even now" ....too many. You have to be careful with repetition; as it tends to sour if used improperly.
But; i did feel the hurt, but still; it's cliched really. I think you can make this much stronger, don't be afraid to be raw.
SP
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Aww. I love this Liz. This is my favorite poem by you that you've written lately. You're such an amazing writer, even better than what I would be in my dreams. My favorite part is:
""I love you"
It was such a dangerous phrase
Such a beautiful and wicked thing to tell someone
Especially a girl who you knew would follow you to the ends of the earth"
This is so sad, but I truly love it. =]
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