A mother such as you
is very hard to find.
You did things you had to,
to teach us peace of mind.
Treasures worth more than gold
are what you gave to us.
You kept us in God's fold,
though sometimes with a fuss.
For as the twig is bent,
they say the tree will grow.
Your love is heaven sent
and so deep, this I know.
Perfection, you are not;
but striving day by day,
life's problems you have fought
and shown us each the way.
In a list
A contest entry
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Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Wow, what a beautiful poem! Lovely tribute, your mom must be really special. I like this a lot. The rhyme is very well done and it's nice to read a gentle, heartfelt poem, each verse is sweet and flows well. Nice job, and thanks for entering, it was a pleasure to read this poem.
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Beautiful piece and a worthy tribute to what sounds like a very special person.
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So very true this too. A mother is everything. A mother is life itself. You have written well here.
Dark
Love
Wayne Leon
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This reminds me of me and my mothers relationship which is really close. Look at my poem called Mama's boy. This is a really good poem.
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First things first, bare bones grammar, you don't need the comma after the word "Perfection" in the last stanza.
As a whole, I see this as very cliche, with the exception of the third stanza, which is much better.
The rhymes are awkward and clanky, it would take a great deal of work to revamp them, but if you decide to, you might try using more off-rhymes instead of normal ones.
Modern poetry hasn't really used inverted phrasing since the early 1900's, and with T.S. Eliot, and others, a new era of poetry constrained by standard grammatical structure emerged. So, whether it is good fortune, or bad fortune, to most modern ears, a line like "Perfection you are not." is awkward, and a stretch, an inversion used only to catch the rhyme.
The last stanza is something you could say about most everyone alive, why is the mother in this piece different? Use specific events, life stories, to give the reader a sense that the mother described really is doing what that stanza conveys, but show us, don't tell us.
I think what this poem is is a wonderful show of affection for a mother, which is applaudable, but to be more, it needs work.
Goodluck. -
difficult
I think it's very difficult to write a tribute poem to your mother which also contains insight and meaning for readers disconnected from the family. I'm sorry, but the simple and easy rhymes and the cliched language you have used have failed to move me.
But I think your family would probably appreciate this poem very much and maybe that's its main intention, so i believe you have been successful there.
I hope I have not been too harsh, although i suspect I have. Sorry.
Best wishes to you and your loved ones,
myron. -
i love this i never knew my mom only time i knew her is whean she wus in a comma and passed away great write keep it up
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What a wonderful poem you have written for your mom. I wish I'd had a mother like that. It must be nice to reflect back that way.
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I love this... a message of love the flawed and the flawless... I sometimes think you love because of the flaws you see, not in spite of... Well penned and beautiful...
Ken
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Great to feel this way about your mother, and how you accept the fact that she did what she had to do to raise you. No one is perfect, they just do the best they can.
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Beautiful write
You show much respect in this write for your mother and love beyond time .Great piece
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Ah..a golden tribute to the most loving and respectable one..I salute to both of you my friend...well done...
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Firstly, I would like to thank you for not rhyming words that are completely obvious. The form is strong, especially in terms of punctuation and theme. The only stanza that I got hung up on was the second...Maybe you might consider tweaking it a bit to see if you can get the rhymes to come across easier? I think it's a word count thing and sometimes too many words make the rhymes hard to come through. The third stanza is your strongest. I really like the twig line and the individual choice of rhymes there. I usually am not a rhyming fan, but I like the quality and the integrity of this piece. My co-judge might have different feelings on it, but I like the expression as a whole.
Thank you so much for entering our contest.
;
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Youhave shown us the way, life isn't perfect and neither are we. As mother's no one hands us a reciepe book to follow on parenting. Those skills are learned, then passed down. Wonderful poem. ~sie
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