Praise be to the Masochistic heart
these unclean things
could tear our words apart
things unsaid
aren't very smart
but I'll attempt instead
to make this life start
working for me
instead of against
I wish just once
you'd understand this
My attempt at being known
All my lies
to this world shown
My attempt at being known
I know that I am insane
This attempt
is so very
Vain
Shoulder all of my regrets
try to make myself
less upset
ingrediants in a humble pie
my fresh tears
after your first cry
one puzzle piece
torn from the sky
and the puzzled look
in the blue girls eye
Even when I know it to be wrong
I still write about this
in every song
and truthfullness
quite evades me
I add more salt
to your untouched sea
My attempt at being known
All my lies
to this world shown
My attempt at being known
I know that I am insane
This attempt
is so very
Vain
This attempt and it's so
Vain
This attmept
well it's so vain
you know that I'm
quite insane
My attempt and it's so
Vain
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I think the third and fourth stanzas are really good. Other than that I thought it dragged a little and there was too much repetition.
If this is a song though, I would have to hear it to decide if it was any good. Repetition in songs can make or break it. So this could be really brilliant but I can't say for sure unless I hear it.
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