you got me at 18 months i was not the best child
but deep in you heart you knew it had to be worth while
years came and went and i was 4 turning 5 becoming a big kid
wanting to do everything you did
but you had to work and hardly had time for the others and me
so off yo the grandparetns house where we all loved to be
yet what i didnt know was hidding behind the door
he did it once that day but contuined to want more
i was scared and hirt but loved him because you did
but no longer did that smiling girl want to be a big kid
off to the farm my big brother and me went to lend a hand
me just wanting to be my big brothers friend
off to water the cows with brother but i got held back there
i wanted to cry but knew the old man wouldnt care
unbuttoning his pants and then doing it to mine
for what was 5 minutes seemed like a long time
i was six now wishing i was still four
but there he stood before me only wanting more
along the path came big brother and i wanted to screm and yell
i got my mouth hit and my back slammed into a nail
pain rushed over me and that could see me cry
were the billy goats and they saw my heart slowly die
days past afraid i wasbut loved him because you did
wanting tobe a four year old smiling kid
now i was 7 grandma mowing the lawn
me pretending to play the paino wishing you werent gone
coming up behind me grouping me here and there
i wanted to cry but knew granpa wouldnt care
forcing me to do things forcing me on top
praying to God i was wishing the pain would stop
feeling afraid and scared i wanted you to know what was true
but he tolf me you wouldnt believe me no matter what id do
8 and 9 past and he still wanted more
and i longed once again to be 4
9 years old in my bed fast asleep
waking up to your gentle touch as you slowly weep
granpa died and i wanted to cry but i didnt care
for no longer would i feel the pain when you wrent there
but i still loved him becuase you did
but i longed to be that 4 year old smiling kid
4 years past and pictures of him hung out of my bedroom door
nightmares i had of him wanting more
scratches and cuts on my arms shadows i did see
but never told because i thought you wouldnt believe me
thats when i tried to kill myself and cause myself pain to hide it all
but i knew i had to tell you before i really did fall
i opened up to your friend the night before valentines my freshman year in
high school
as bad as i wanted to i cried and still tried to keep my cool
that night i took a step and told you to
but later figured out you didnt like it was true
but still i love him because you did
but still i longed to be that 4 year old smiling kid
you sent me to a shrink and di all that you could to help me
but i knew you never would believe
more cuts and scrathes on my skin
wanting and longing for the pain to end
but it wont because in my mind he will always stay
even if i speak him out with all the hateful words i say
it started out with a trip to the granparents and then him wanting more
and still i wish i was still four
so maybe i could change the outcome of this all
maybe i could of saved myself from the fall
yet i will always love him because you do and did.
but deep inside i will long to be that 4 year old smiling kid.
Author notes
my granpa raped me for about 3 to four years straight since i was 5 till i was 9..well i didnt telll my mom until ten years later and now she wont believe me
A contest entry
- Contest: Child Abuse Prevention - June by Page Shut down.
600 points, ended July 1, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anyone? Anyone there [For anyone] by RawrSmileBabyPlz.
450 points, ended June 26, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rain, Eyes, and Pain Quickie by takemypainaway.
900 points, ended June 26, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever..just make it good. [astonish me] by borrowing.moonlight.
1000 points, ended June 30, 2008, 160 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - POINTS- Easy Entries by NickelleteXninja.
600 points, ended July 8, 2008, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I disagree with dawn of juliet on it being too long
I liked the formation it kept it together like the actualy story instead of breaking it up
you are missing a few words here and there where it would sound better to hear only for years old
other than that it was an excellent write
and I def. know where you are coming from
I remember nothing of my childhood cause that happened to me by my half bro
i went to counseling for a year and it took me that long to even say what happened
I hope your pain eventualy goes away
the scars will always remain though
be strong...
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that is WAY too long... at least separate it a little bit.
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ah I can so relate to your pain and anguish within your words as I to was raped by my step father over and over again when he died I didnot care you are s right we can never forgive what happens but we can learn to live with it better the past does not eqaul the future but it makes us stronger and who we are and I am deeply sorry for your heart felt pain within your words thank you for entering the contest and good luck in the contest take care
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Whoa.
I am so sorry you had to endure this so young and I am also sorry your Mother did not believe you
My Grandfather raped me when I was 16 and my Mum told me to just pretend it never happened so I know it hurts
♥
Thank you for your entry in the End Abuse and Hate Child Abuse Prevention Contest & Best of luck
Stay safe
~Manda
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thank u for the comment on that poem i appreciate it
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wow that is rough!!!
"i was six now wishing i was still four
but there he stood before me only wanting more
along the path came big brother and i wanted to screm and yell
i got my mouth hit and my back slammed into a nail"
this was very strong
but you didnt put your options in your notes -
Omg... :((
Gowd Sad... Wow i like this alot its very well written and worded great. Thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck!
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That must be the hardest part...your mother not believing...sometimes the truth about a loved one is to hard to believe, love blinds you know, and it was her dad...and please don't think it means she doesn't love you...because I am sure she does love you a lot....
Hang in there...don't harm yourself to much...please try to be a surviver sweetie...not a victim...!!!
I know you're strong, and with the right help you will only come out stronger
XXJeannette
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yeah thanks for the comment but she is kicking me out soon...and idk what else but she doesnt love me and she never has.
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