a unicorn with a diamond horn
flirts on the outskirts of my mind;
from endless light a child is born
and sparkling stars realign.
they spell a word in the sky,
but the light has blinded me;
i walk alone, afraid to die,
into the raging, stormy sea.
i toss and turn in the undertow
breathing salt and ice
a dark figure rises from below
and i prepare to pay the price
of my uncertainty,
of floating when i should swim,
whether i should fight or flee
flies through my brain; my fate looks grim.
a ladder appears from nowhere
and i hold on with grasp tight;
below me someone screams a prayer
as the water begins to ignite.
upon a ship, i see the stars,
but the child is nowhere near;
the solemn song of a lone guitar
inspires naught but fear.
for if the child has disappeared,
the hope is all but gone;
no longer elusive or revered,
the stars withhold the dawn.
Author notes
i basically woke up and tried to write down exactly what happened in my dream.
A contest entry
- Midnight's Dawn by Childsight.
600 points, ended July 1, 2008, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Whatever you want to say. Critiques, anything. :)
Comments
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stars withhold the dawn. wow. although a) I'm not sure rhyming poems are the best form for this contest, which is all about spontaneity and random, fleeting images, I appreciate the wonderful metaphor of this piece. I like the ladder part, but overall I don't think I was really looking for this kind of mythical poem for this contest. in any case, thank you very much for entering!
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Ooooh, I really like this =) haha, dreams make no sense, I swear, but in this poem I could picture everything you wrote. Amazing imagery.
-i toss and turn in the undertow
breathing salt and ice
a dark figure rises from below
and i prepare to pay the price
...
Not exactly sure why? But I loved those lines. Plus, I loved how the rhyming didn't seem to be forced at all. Incredibleee. Congrats on the gold =) ♥
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wow i wouldhave never known it was a dream.you did such an excellent job poeticlly describing what you dreamt about.i really liked the first and fouth stanzas,but the whole thing is really amazing.high quality.like every thing else ive read that youve written.i really enjoy your writing.thanks.
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that's really cool! it's great that you could wake up and remember the dream! thanks for sharing!
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