You held me up so high
Afraid to watch me fall
I held my nose
Preparing myself
For the abrupt descent
I knew would happen
Weakness in your arms
I cradle and fall
Dropping like a rock to the bottom
Fighting upward
Holding my breath
Until alas!
The warm summer air
And your un-shaven face
Meet my body
Comments
-
A joy!
I wish I had written it. Really good. I will read it again and again.
-
This was wonderfully written. It seemed as if you were swimming and dove into the depths of the water to hold your breath until you broke through the surface and your b/f/husband was there to great you with kisses upon your body. Thank you for sharing this with us
-
it's small details, like "I held my nose,"
"Weakness in your arms / I cradle and fall," and "your unshaven face" that make this poem i think. this definetly does capture that moment of struggle to surface, "Fighting upward," and the joy and relief when head breaks above the water, pulling in that first lungful of "warm summer air."
i don't understand the use of the word "alas," which expresses sorrow or foreboding rather than joy and relief i could expect. unless you didn't want to surface, which would be an interesting, intriguing, surprise twist, imply a lot just with one word, but "fighting upward" didn't seem consistent with that, just wanted to be sure that the use of an expression of distress, "alas," was intentional.
in any case, great, vivid description, wonderful ending. -
Omg, I really really like this. It's suspense that turns into happiness, and I can see her smiling when they touch. It made me smile too!
Adding your comment:
