daughter maelstrom
hackneyed in sainthood-
i know
you hound for benediction
but remain a shallow waif
confident in broke-tongue
sincerity
unwilling to abide refuge
you are shadow
captive to monotone wit
and i am silence-
unmoved
A contest entry
- sin by ArtFullyMe.
2200 points, ended July 20, 2008, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I had to read it a couple of times but thats just me...This was an amazing write...
Big hugs ~Stacey~
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excellent-
well deserving
nice to find your work
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Thank you, I shall be sure to check out yours.
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this write.... begs to be sat with, the images, allusions are like paint, they take me far far back, connect me to things I am not going to define here..
I've been looking for a ...comment I could rest with, be satisfied with, and keep falling short as I could write pages on what I ..seem to see in this...but in a selfish way I want to keep them... to myself
perhaps it is those last lines, the way they imply a sense of being completely untouchable, completely and irrevocably removed from things..
leaving me with a sense of ...rather amazing peace
odd how we connect to things, sometimes..
this is so very strong, abstract yes, but richly so..
thank you so very much..
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As always, your words have stunned me into silence. I am but a butterfly trapped in the hurricane of time, battered and lilting towards the abyss, but still always ready to shine.
Your words mean much to me.
And thank you for allowing me to be part of the "sin" experience.
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I so liked this, fragment style but explosive in those ending lines. I have just met James and thought I'd come visit you and I am so glad I did. Will be back for another dose to feed my addiction of good solid poetry. Love, Chez
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Sorry for not getting back to you right away, I've been so busy, time has just been flying by. I am so glad that you took the time to read my work and that you enjoyed it so much.
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this is one of those great aesthetic poems that simply drips off the page...
and i am silence
unmoved
the fragmented approach to this is simple. inspiring -
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I don't always do the fragmenting like I did with "I know" in this poem and with the end lines, so it was a fun experiment that I ended up being really happy with. A very good thing indeed- as I tend to criticize my work until I develop a migraine.
As the saying goes:
"A writer is his own worst critic."
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seagulls above the pier
the wharf
unloading salt amidst the algae
cutter split waves
the oysters wail
the silence
decomposed
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What can I say..a poem bit for a poem. Lovely. Thanks for stopping by.
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Oh this is good. I was thinking you were going to make it more obvious for the contest. Then I just realized, what was I thinking? I know you far too well to write a poem that is obvious or surface. I think the whole piece as an expression makes a very intelligent observation. It isn't so sinful that it is sin, and it isn't so far from it, either. It's like right in-between. God I love the way you pen things sweetheart. I always have. I have already given you a poem in my last comment, so I'm kind of drained in that aspect, but I can tell you this: There is nothing here that I dislike or think could be changed. The choice of "i know" on its own line gives you a moments pause, without the need for punctuation. You used the word "waif"...I love that! All in all this is fine writing love. I have come to expect nothing less from you. Careful and observant write.
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