There is nothing in this world that doesn't fade
Except you from my mind
And there are no words I can say
That haven't been said a thousand times
Yes, I am home again
And I am young again
Yes, I am safe in your heart
(Chorus)
I could wait a thousand years
And never see the sun
But I could not wait for you
It would be my undoing
Without you
I cannot breathe the air
Several thousand years ago
There must have been two just like us
And someday we'll walk those streets that they walked
In between seven hills
The sun that baked them
The sea that pulled at them
Will do the same to us
So they must have said
(Chorus)
"I could wait a thousand years
And never see the sun
But I could not wait for you
It would be my undoing
Without you
I cannot breathe the air"
There is nothing in this world that doesn't fade
Except you from my mind
Cities vanish overnight, in a blink of your eye
Yet you remain the same
(Chorus)
I could wait a thousand years
And never see the sun
But I could not wait for you
It would be my undoing
Without you
I cannot breathe the air
Author notes
When I changed the second verse I think the whole song came together more. Mostly it's about how love is somewhat trite and cliche, but it's still heartfelt and meaningful despite all of that. Also, I think Athens relates to the song better in that things pass, but important things stay, like *him* on my mind. Many things in Athens have been destroyed or forsaken (so it's certainly faded), but the city hasn't disappeared for over 3,000 recorded years. Now that's something that doesn't fade.
A contest entry
- Love and Regret by Voodoo Eyes.
600 points, ended July 1, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Est-ce que ça te dit?
Comments
-
Good job and thanks for entering!
-
The chorus is great for a love song, and I was drawn in nicely by the first verse. The second verse seems a little cold, like a straightforward narrative rather than a romantic ballad.
The song seems inspired by the film of a few years ago rather than the ancient poem. In the poem, Paris was a cowardly twerp and Helen a conniving adulteress. Together they brought about the fall of a great nation. Paris was killed and Helen went back to her husband.
I would like to see what Athena of Starlite could do with the story of Odysseus and Penelope from the same legendary tale. He did not want to leave her for the war, and she waited 20 faithful years for his return. Now that's a love story.
-
-
I sort of changed the whole thing...hehe. Hope you like this way better, I think it works a bit smoother.
-
-
Oh yeah! I think you've nailed it this time. Very nicely done, with a timeless quality which recognizes attraction is as old as our race and as new as our most recent breaths.
-
-
Adding your comment:
