W.I.S.H.F.U.L._.T.H.I.N.K.I.N.G.

Sometimes I wish I could be like the girls in the magazines...
Pretty... perfect on the outside... Carefree for the front covers...
Hell I'm already tormented inside - even though they have a facade of perfection deep down they are tormented.
I wish people didn't sacrifice for me...
Then I wouldn't feel so guilty of having them fight for me...
And maybe if they didn't fight for me I could fade into the background...
And if I were invisible I wouldn't have to worry about crying in front of others...
I wouldn't have to try to be strong for others to find strength.
And I wouldn't have to rely on their strength to help find mine...
And maybe then I wouldn't cry for hours at an end in my corner...
Maybe then I wouldn't feel so alone... since I wouldn't have anyone to rely on.
And maybe then... I WOULDN'T be the reason for others dismay and problems.
I could be close to those I love and scarce to those whom are taken down by my silent cries, heard only by those who listen.
I don't want to cause pain or feel it. I don't want to be the cause of a bad effect.
I just want to
h
  e
    a
      l
To just
L
  E
      T
          G
              O...
Just

B
          e
        L
      o
  N
g

Just be
FREE

happy. fine. relieved.

U
  N
      B
        O
            U
              N
                  D

I wish I felt ALIVE. I wish I felt complete
I wish these hopes could be found...



BR            EAK
    the curse.

From the hurt
and the pain that won't
R              e      m            .
  e          s              e        .
    l  e a                    . . .

From the pressure that everything seems to be my fault...
or that I deserve it.. and that I'll never be

GOOD

E.N.O.U.G.H.......

If only I could stop the rash tongue of a razor in people's mouths and stares...
If only I could blend in not to feel so

O              U                  T

    of                  place....
But then I wouldn't have myself...
I'd be a
clone.

The SAME.

And would I feel comfortable in someone else shoes?

How does it feel to be comfortable in your skin 100% and not 95% of the time because that 5% (although small) still weighs heavily on your mind from what people said to you... or thought of you.

what is it like to feel totally complete...
To trust without worries...
To be naive again?
Knowing what I know now will stop the heartbreaks...
But would I want to go back into believing in fairy tales the way I did before I got cut and burned...
Would I go back to

S c R a P e D knees and C u T s

rather than a slashed and broken heart?

when the night

F
  a
    l
      l
        s

I am ME.
And although I love myself.... I find it hard to look into the

MIRROR  ................ RORRIM

          Sometimes