My crowded effigy remains lost
I don’t know, can’t care
Who am I?
Can any of you answer me?
My refection is still hidden
Somewhere beneath the fog
In the mist where lights cannot reach
Who will come forward
Who will save me now?
I certainly don’t want to be left
Forgotten
Forsaken
Breathless though is the oblivion I circle
Lifeless is my abyss
I award myself the doubt of fear
Terror is in the cards
But still I split the deck again
And spit on the roof of my ship
Bringing myself down far below
To the gallows of meager knowledge
Hating all in my decrepit wisdom
Hearing that God called in sick today
And Satan would sit in the smoking section
But he doesn’t like the creepy waiter
I am lost
Cannon fire stirs me from my rest
It is time to return to life
Again, I am resuscitated
Maybe next time I’ll be dead for longer
A contest entry
- 3 MOS. Gold MEMBERSHIP-updated to 600 points! and feature, Prompt: APATHY- Give Dark Writing a Try... by ears2hearyou.
1300 points, ended July 10, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
whatever....
Comments
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I actually liked this poem, was not certain that I would in the beginning. Your writting is so very unique, clever and darkly sarcastic. but I did enjoy it, keep writting, you have a very strong mind, of that I am quite certain, and you have talent, this is what I would recall to be dark humor-Written very well.
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I heard your soul speaking in this write!
this is a good solid structure to build upon...now
remove your inbetween words that connect your nouns
and simile's fill the spaces with just...blank air...
we have the imagination to take your words to higher
or lower depths...and sometimes you might be surprised
how many meanings are in there!
You can co-write with another to darken this a bit!
Because it is worthy...I heard your points very clearly,
and wise they are indeed.
You have until July8th...so keep working on this one,
ask another to help you with this worthy poem.
Give it touches here and there!
ears/Seattle
you have the structure, just remove some of the words.
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Wow, this is pretty good...it's not the darkest that I've read...it's kinda mild...borderline of hopelessness. Keep it up, and it'll get better
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