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Do I jump?



***As I lean over the edge of the balloon and stare down***

They may say don't fall,
But I desperately want to
jump and end it all...

Author notes

I guess this would be options 2, 3 and 5. I haven't written in quite awhile and I'm just now 'getting back on the horse.' Any feedback (positive or negative) would be great

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • crazymomma
    August 10, 2008

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    I think the abrupt ending is justified in this just like the abrupt ending with suicide. I liked the rhyme scheme and flow too. Thanks for entering and good luck


  • grannyeri gold member
    July 15, 2008

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    Good getting back on the horse to get a feel of things again. Glad you decided to write again. Sentiments well expressed in these lines; easy to read and understand, to visualize this happening.


  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    July 6, 2008

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    I know I've had those feelings before. I think this really could say it all without the first line in the astericks. The 2nd part is well strong enough to stand on its own


  • just weak hands
    July 1, 2008

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    i really like this ! sometimes i just feel the same way. you really, obviously, got your feelings across ! great job, even if you haven't written in a while !


  • jcat gold member
    July 1, 2008

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    Well I think that we wouldn't be human if we didn't confess to these feelings at times in our life!! Wonderful job combining those prompts....

  • imoutyo
    June 30, 2008

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    this works. that's the best way to put it. it's so short i don't have a lot to comment on, but i can see you thinking this, as you fly in the hot air balloon. and a quibbling point- perhaps put 'to' at the beginning of the third line of the stanza instead of the end of the second. i'm not saying it's *definitely* better, but sometimes playing around with where you break the flow of the words with lines can be helpful.

  • Hovels 2
    June 30, 2008

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    This poem is simple yet so deep. I know this is talking about killing yourself and that's sad, but this doesn't give me sad feelings. It gives me the feeling of a release. Finally letting go of something. Or starting a new beginning. Nicely written.


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    June 29, 2008

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    Sometimes I want to jump and sometimes I don't, this is a great thought provoking poem that hits me hard.

    ♥
    Thank you & Best of luck
    Stay safe
    ~Manda

1 - 8 of 8