Yesterday, on a mountain, I saw a Ram -
- chewing on a lowly clump of sod.
"The air is thin up here friend",
I said to the ram, making small talk,
and rubbing my hands to stay warm.
He rolled his eyes and said.
"That's because you ate all of the grass asshole."
And that's when I noticed, for the
first time, my knee caps were missing.
and I had been walking on my face.
Today, I saw the same Ram enter
a cave with a large cloudy mouth.
Following the Ram in, I saw the
unbelievable. God, unzipping out
of the costume.
"That's a cruel joke to play Oh Lord!"
I said with out hesitation, but he
just laughed and said, That "it was
nothing compared to what he had done
to Moses... this costume, is a set."
Author notes
Written January 1st, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Anything Biblical! by BonnieQ.
300 points, ended March 28, 2004, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
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Well, then - as long as you don't mind
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Oh thank the gods trumpet falcon, will I really, will I really be in your prayers? Thank you for that mate, but my boots already match my cape, belt and haircut. However, I'm sure the thoughts of your mind are all heard and categorized by a higher being with that much time on it's hands, and for you to slide me in there? well that's mighty white and bible belted american of you.
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1 - you have certainlly provided us with your views, and have done so well in the poetic form. I do not condone these views, but I will not disregard them.
You are in my prayers
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At least the popcorn I brought will pop on it's own and we'll have something to eat on the way down.
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Well horus, I guess you and I are going to enjoy that slide of razor blades to hell, arnt we?
Yee Haw -
The Catholics still have many books that were origionally in the Bible, and have taken and changed many things that are in the Bible today....
mortals are shit and they will continue to be shit and tell you little shits what right and wrong and you follow thinking its the Almighty himself
allah alllah
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Oh but haven't you heard the Christians are convinced God acts like a perfect creature and would never be profane, I mean the word asshole is so much more perverse than killing a 100, 000 first born sons in one evening. Lord knows the word asshole is Evil, and I shant got to heaving now oh lord what will I do if I cannot get into Heaving with the rest of these Asshats? Shall I grovel and assume your real name is so evident as being GOD what magic is this oh lord that this christians should be so naive to think that they are well read after all, there are so many other books than the bible. Like the dead sea scrolls, the less key and greater key of solomon, treatises and ancient grimoires but these bitter pinched faced tart money hoarding jesus skinning christians have got it all in the palms of their hands... tis a shame that their palms are always facing the ground.
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This is exactly why I am not a Christian anymore....Was raised that way....lol its so funny how people can get so riled up on this topic...and btw Artis, Jesus is NOT another name for God.
AHH
You know, its funny because people tend to get angry and STUPID when they are narrow minded and fed things to believe.
good poem -
Oh lord, and here I thought I had a chance. Did the thought cross any of your minds I'm not even a christian! And I really only did this to watch your asshats fibrilate? LMAO.
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errr ... as fly says, it violates Bonnie's rules. while i'm sure it's well suited for a different genre... not here. no. however i'll give u a 1 just cuz poetry is poetry. bleah hahahaha dont u feel special? 1 lol um...yeah sorry byeaz
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Obsene & Vulgar
I do not rate this poem because it has violated the rules for this contest, if that disqualifies me then so be it.! The rules state no profanity, and clearly the word you stated was profane, especially supposedly coming from God. As to all the other comments on this page, sorry, but I will not indulge in mud slinging, though I do tend to agree with some of what was said concerning this poem and your very vulgar and obscene comments to other entrants. Bluntly this poem should be banned from the contest and stuck back in your file where it can be read or enjoyed by your apparent target audience on your own page, not here with works meant to honor God. Don't bother replying, I am blocking you so I will not be able to read your comments on me, I feel no need to subject myself to your foul mouth. Fly -
And we will know those who are of the dark by their foul deeds and words and we will ignore their protests that they are the right way ...the only way...for soon enough when they are lost, we will hear gentler pleas for help uttered all in vain...peace to horus8 he needs help only God can give...
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What was that, LMAO, Your impression of an exploding tit?
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the Tower Of Babble has uttered nonsense and it has a head that fools some into believing that because it looks nice, therefore it is. Do not attempt to school us on God, you do not walk with him and never have, and yet you claim to know him well enough to decipher his name origin...some pulp you got out of a krishna magazine in a men's room no doubt...or a history class on language derivitives. God has many names, the great spirit, adoni, messiah, Jesus, master and finisher and the only thing gored here is your sad attempts to justify your vain non-poetic entry. The word ass is in the bible... from old testament writings from thousands of years ago but never the word you used is found written there, men put the two together to be deragatory, and such filth would never be spoken by God...no matter what your brain cells produce as self truth. And you excuse taking God's name in vain using damn, but damnned is also in the bible, and is where you are headed though you could care less. If you wish to spew atheistic comments, write a poem, and place it on your author page, mumbling your voodoo faith here is simply a waste of your most precious time....you already have many poems that spout such yap, and they have been read by your adorers and passed on, But the Bible has endured for eons, which would we choose to believe, your limp theologies or a tale that has endured millions of scoffers such as you...begone and may peace find you someday in the arms of God repenting...Artis
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You shouldn't throw your feces at things monkey. It's bad manners.
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If you think god thinks the word 'asshole' is profane you're an idiot, as for the 3 quarter photographic shot it only lent a face to the poem, and as for god's name being God, it's not, therefore it would be impossible to think asshole or god damn is profane because well asshole only became profane in 'your' minds (simple uneducated christians) within the last 4 centuries as for god being god's real name, hardly, therefore saying 'god damn' isn't using the lords name in vein, because it's just not his name to begin with? The word God, comes from the word 'Gored' meaning 'he who was gored' by the bore in the garden, Adonis was gored by the bore in the garden, he was the first martyr in the history of martyrs and he became the gored and over time the word gored became god. Thank you, you can quote me on that kiddies, because that's a fact.
Edited on Mar 27, 1:55 because ''. -
I have a sense of humor, too, but I fail to see the humor in this poem. I do think posting your pic' with this lame poem was appropriate, though. It gave me something to use for target practice.
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OK..I will be the devils advocate,on the side of god...now there is a contradiction, first of all the head shot from your latest modeling job, didn't impress anyone, and had no place in this contest or on the poem, it had nothing to do with the ram or God. The poem was profane in violation of the rules and it made God utter the profanity. It might be funny if God had said, Oh, MAN!!! in the same manner that we say "OH, GOd!" but what did a slang word for anus have to do with any of the poem...except to incite anger in one of your favorite targets....christians? you might have walked on your face, but your looks did not get you far here. I happen to respect some of your work, and abhor others, and I pull no punches like some above, who might like you or not want to offend, this was inciteful, ludicrous self promo, albeit the idea of God taking on a disguise isn't a bad idea....the last line was senseless and the ending had no point....I give it a minus -79 and I hope the contest promoter takes each and every point off..for your complete lack of understanding of the contest and it's goals, for attempting to agitate peaceful souls, and for posting a head shot of yourself in a place that does not care to audition your notions...Artis
Edited on Mar 27, 1:12 because ''. -
5
Interesting. I do agree with you in the fact that God does have a sense of humor. Thank you for sharing your work, and I wish you good luck in the contest!
God Bless,
Sarah Beth -
Truth be told...i thought this was a very vivid write...with the image of you walking on your face rather than your feet particularly standing out (excuse the pun )
Certainly a different and interesting take on the contest!
8
Hollywood -
You've said a mouthful Queenie! Alas, why your comment had not a thing to do with my poem was purely intentional. I, unlike you, don't really give a squat about my looks... In fact, because I've always looked the way I look, I really don't know what in the hell you are talking about, but if you feel better after having said all of that, splendid. As for the poem, it's about wit. God's wit specifically, and was only A DREAM I HAD, so I wrote it down with less thought than you did. God has a great sense of humour. Remember when he sent Abraham up the mountain to kill his son, and then god said "just kidding?" All fine examples just how fucking unbelievably funny god is, you however, are even funnier, but in a slightly DARKER way.
Edited on Mar 26, 6:28 p.m. because ''. -
technically good.
you know something,horus,there's no denying your brillance of your dashing good looks,so technically,the write deserves this 9.however,iet me just say,even in danger of incurring your wrath,you need help.out of all the contest on AP,you just had to invade the sanctity of this one.where do you really think you got that abundant of talent.nevermind,since you are so wrapped up in playing games,you don't even know yourself,let alone the truth.i will read your work,simply because it is good.but get a grip and know that some things are better left alone and there is a time and place for everything.this contest was no the time for your particular brand of humor and it was not the place for you to plaster your handsome,though misguided face.we love you horus,but we can do that somewhere else.you may look like adonis,but you are no god. -
Unique play on words
Is this a double entrendre?
I see you have a witty sense of humor
With love and light I say
Be in the ocean of dreams today
7
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8.
Technically good. Contentwise ...? we-e-e-e-ll ... I am muted.
Myra
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RATINGS UPDATE: 03/26/04, CONTEST CLOSED
Previous Balance: 51.0
EarthToJim - 6.0
1-Reader Review - 5.0
Abel - 5.0
Mark Spencer - 7.0
Messa P - 5.0
Total to Date: 79.0
FINAL TALLYS ON SUNDAY 28 MARCH 2004
ONLY CONTESTANT RATINGS WILL BE ADDED TO THIS TOTAL, IF ANY
PLEASE CONTACT ANY CONTESTANT WHO HAS NOT RATED YOUR POEM -
5- I give this only a five because I beleive that the message could have been sent across without the use of profanity. I thought the poem very well written but in my opinion I believe once you used that word you placed this in the adult category! But that is just my opinion.
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Slightly amusing. 7
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sorry lost me...5 out of 10...peace abel
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Nice photo
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Kneecaps missing... hmmmm, that's not all. -6 (minus six) for introducing profanity into a biblical poem contest. Not that you care.
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RATINGS UPDATE: 03/25/04, contest ends 03/26/04
Previous Balance: 0.0 (ATD-0)
4 Reader Reviews - 20.0
FifthDove - 4.0
OneStepCloser - 6.0
RealityDreams - 6.0
SweetGurl - 5.0
Mendee86 - 9.0
KountryKid - 1.0
Total to Date: 51
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Horus, I can see the devil dancing in your eyes! But, I feel this poem says a lot more than most realize. Indeed, all this world is one vast illusion: believe not what you see with your own eyes or hear with your own ears. This is a test, only a test: of our faith in and loyalty to God and His Christ. Now, that's what I think this poem says. Albeit, I do disagree that God would use certain terminology as indicated here: that, I feel is disrespectful to Yeshua. On the other hand, maybe He would say that to you? In this case?
Still, you acknowledge being on your face, reflecting a fallen state as well as humility. You're such a brat, Horus: I'm really uncertain if you are mocking God or yourself. Careful, young man! I've already banned one attempt at the former in this contest. LOL!
Technically, the meter is off the scale: meter would lend this much more power. Since it is free verse, I don't expect rhyme.
Thank you for entering the contest and GOOD LUCK! You've got 24 hours to rack up some points, so get busy!
Love and hugs, BonnieQ
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1 Only because I can see this is a cry for help that you yourself probably do not even realize. May God help you.
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9 because it gave me a nice chuckle
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5...unique...but it didn't catch my interst to much. Good Luck in the contest and God Bless you!
~sweetgurl -
i give this a 6...just didnt catch my interest very much, keep writing!
good luck,
~Britt -
6. Keep pennin!
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4,, hmmmm, loss of me tongue at the moment. lol
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This was different in a good way.i liked it
Brooke
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i never commented on this...blasphemous! i know i read it.. makes me think of charlton heston - stupid old fuck that he is...
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I'm not sure what to say to this. I'm also not sure what it has to do with hating humanity, but oh well.
-Depressed Wavemaster -
Wicked
Susan~~~~~ -
all i can do reading this, is smile. i dont have anything particularly intelligent to say to it though
Nyx... -
If you gathered that from the poem? No, I don't watch sports.
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hehehe um funny and interesting, do you like the football team the Rams or something?...
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