My love for you so grave
But in your eyes I no longer linger
Through this dark lonely sleep
In my nightmare you would arise
Your gaze finishes my waking night
In this sleep you will strike my heart
Stabbing and tearing it apart
Your are my nightmare, my love
You are rooted down in with me
Enveloping my heart so roughly; it bleeds
You feed in me, feed in my pain
My pain makes me feel you and alive
I'm deep down sleeping
Deep down fakely smiling
And yet im crying
So calmly crying
I touch your pale iron skin
Stare straight in your blackened eyes
As warmth vanishes and cold succumbs
We kiss like shattering glass upon the ground
Is this love or a mask for lust?
This lifeless deadly kiss
Unbearable pain my love creates
In this nighmare it relives
My desperation has lead
To this deluded salvation
Leading me nothing but nightmares
Leading me nothing but your image
After this kiss of death
You will wither like how dust flies
Now as all of you has crumbled
I start to feel my cold breath
I'm awake and in burning tears
Thinking my undying love for you
Is just my mere nighmare
Yet here I am in my bed still thinking of you
Author notes
option 3, sorry if its too long, i know its boring T_T..
A contest entry
- All Sorts of Options; prewrites welcome by DramaQueen469.
380 points, ended October 16, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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No, it's not boring, in fact it had me hooked. WELL DONE, I really like this piece.
Good luck! -
Thanks for joining my contest. I really appreciate it. You did fine. Good luck in the contest.
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Great poem
Thanks for entering. -
"Is this love or a mask for lust?
This lifeless deadly kiss
Unbearable pain my love creates
In this nighmare it relive"
I absolutely loved it, especially that stanza. Well done, I wish you luck in this contest
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This is dark and i love it!...It was what i asked for...it wasnt smiles and happiness it was something that can break me in two...i loved this...thanks for entering so much love...
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ohmygosh!
i think this is stunning! you've officially left me breathless with this piece!
and kinda speechless (so i'd probably be repeating myself... about how i love this) It was pretty dar, filled with pain, confusion, sorrow, tears... oh my god, you weaved every tine detail so perfectly! this is a masterpiece filled with so much emotion and imagery! I LOVE IT! keep writing dude, i have the sudden craze to read more... oh and i kinda have no doubt about you doing great in this contest! i mean common, this was an "off the hook" poem!
~RANJI
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Breath Taking
There is so much built up emotion in this piece that i feel so very deep down inside. I can picture it ever so well because you've writen it flawlessly. I do enjoy free writes alot better than poems forced with rhyme, so i thank you.
These are just some of the many high points in this poem that just needed to be pointed out for their genius.
"Your are my nightmare, you are my love"
That is tender and beautiful and yet encompasses the piece.
"We kiss like shattering glass upon the ground"
A simile to die for, i'm sure.
"Is this love or a mask for lust?
This lifeless deadly kiss
Unbearable pain my love creates
In this nighmare it relives"
~ This is certainly a stanza of pure talent.
Thank you for your entry and good luck.
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