Treterous feind,
you stole my heart,
and abused my trust,
you called it love but it was only lust,
so now my "love" i have to say,
for all my pain you die today...
I'll boil your flesh,
until your blistered and boiled,
because in my heart you stayed and toiled,
cut open you belly and use your intestines
as a noose to hang your pretty little head,
for all the days you caused me dread,
i'll lock you in a cage with rats,
trap you in a cave with bats,
and let them naw upon your flesh,
i can do better this isnt my best,
skin you alive,
and wear your skin as a coat,
i was for show so you could gloat,
carve out your eyes with a wooden spoon,
dont worry love it'll be over soon,
and when your dead upon the floor,
and your life is no more,
i will watch your body rot and pulse,
as writhing maggots push their way through,
devouring a coward,
eating a fiend,
destroying the one who caused me so much pain,
and now my love, i finish my game.
Author notes
#2 
it's a prewrite i dont know how well you'll like it though
In a list
A contest entry
- 50 ways to kill your lover by Darkwell.
600 points, ended June 27, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Because you killed me by RawrSmileBabyPlz.
400 points, ended June 28, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - It's all about love by Sound of Madness.
625 points, ended July 12, 2008, 76 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options !! [PW ALLOWED!] by innocence jaded.xx.
625 points, ended July 13, 2008, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make It Dark by peregrin.
450 points, ended August 10, 2008, 81 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bring Me Your Wicked by XpushXmeXagainX.
875 points, ended October 6, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do the rhymes sound forced anywhere?
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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nice poem
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nice
i rely like it -
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aww i love it!
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Ok, I think it is dark, and a good entry.
Different...
But good!
Good luck in my contest! -
OMG!!! I love this. This is what I'd like to do to my ex. I loved the way this is so well written and the rhyme was nice. This was powerful and intense.
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Wow that is definitely a dark piece. I may be new to the site, but I think I've defintely found a favorite poeat at the moment. I'm not sure if this is directed at any particular person, but I completely underdstand the emotions that are directed in this. Such anger of love, or therefore loss of, it's one of those things that sometimes make you lose control. great write
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Treterous feind, honestly I don't know the meaning of it...
But as I was progressing with your work, it seems to be somewhat which is unwanted by a heartful human. Simply a good dark work, I have been through your page, wonderfully presented. The heart requires a support of all veins to pass the blood to each place of body, but the time when veins act for themselves or for their areas then it could be dreadful for whole body. I don't know about you nor I want to know but its the beautiful work from you.
Disclosure :
I am an Indian..
Namaste...
~ RAJ ~ -
No
So dark, yet so expressive. Well done...Max -
I love this. Seems like lyrics to a british rap song. Kinda like The Streets. Great write.
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Woa.
That is harsh, but insanely deep. This person must have meant alot to you. Heart break is and understatement when comes to the actual emotion... there are no words or actions that could add up to how you feel at it all. -
um ow lol
good job beautiful. sorry bout the briefness im on my psp typing this
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I really enjoyed the violence in this. Thanks for entering my contest. I wish you much luck.
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Will you pleasepleaseplease put the option # in your AN !! I really want to read this, but it's in the rules. haha♥
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damn beautiful trule perfect i love it it was so so i cant explane this poem was just amazin you have talent and alot of it jus enuf talent to make want to read so much more like art this was perfect
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Wow..This was just amazing. i love the words you used to describe what you were going to do. This is so very well written and i liked it alot. My favorite part is when you said "I'll boil your flesh, until your blistered and boiled" that was worded so well thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck
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very graphic an effective with a nice flow an rhyme structure
i love this part
so now my "love" i have to say,
for all my pain you die today...
sweet WTG!!! -
I don't think it is forced, but it paints a vivid picture that is for sure... I like it..
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niiiiiiiiice savi i likes it!!!! violence is fun!
(sorry i ran out of applause crap) -
woa, remind me never to get on ur bad side! that was great!
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awsome
pretty friken cool
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YES NOW THATS WHAT IM TALKIN ABOUT SAVI!
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