My dream pours waterfalls of cooling bliss
to soothe unripened love in evening’s bloom
and paint my words upon your perfect lips
in colours flush of summer-sweet perfume.
By nature’s lift of palette’s glory brush,
refresh this seasoned love with love reborn;
come, drown my soul in sunset’s peaceful blush
and dream our love may rise upon the morn.
But brilliant blue falls slowly into fire
that burns not love but casts it evermore
upon this anvil, beaten of desire,
where pounds my heart in sound she must ignore.
For now, vain dreams are all I hold of her,
as water falls on promised love deferred.
In a list
A contest entry
- Rhyme and Flow part 5 Love, romance or sensual - 50,000 points series by cricketjeff.
4000 points, ended July 16, 2008, 55 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poetic Masters by Climax.
1600 points, ended August 31, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Invited Only Rhyme Contest by piccola.
600 points, ended September 5, 2008, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Jeff's first year by cricketjeff.
4620 points, ended October 5, 2008, 64 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-write challenge! by Lady Michaella.
485 points, ended February 20, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Huge points! Amera Got Married Contest!! by PerVirtuous.
19000 points, ended June 2, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewites aloud! Click to find out more by Maggie Kay.
550 points, ended October 14, 71 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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beautiful opening metaphor
over all a well written piece that i thoroughly enjoyed reading
thank you for entering keep up the good work
kmp -
This is an excellent sonnet and just what I had hoped to get in this contest. You have made the judging difficult, but enjoyable. Thank you for entering.
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Straight to the finalists' list. Thank you for entering.
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ooo!! this is awesome!! very well done
i love your imagery and rhyme.. very good
Thanks for entering my contest,
and best of luck!
Your judge,
-Lemon Bee- -
Great sonneting
soft and loving
Another good strong entry
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This is a beautiful poem. Unfortunately I have to disqualify it as it has already won a bronze trophy.
♥
whisper
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Seems like I forgot to pack my crystal ball
Dear Whispernthedark, Sorry you felt like you had to DQ me. This poem won its first bronze only yesterday - on the very day your competition closed for judging - it had only won green when I actually entered it some days earlier - I didn't realise entrants were expected to be soothsayers too! -
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That is a risk you take when you enter the same poem into several contests at once. Sorry.
thanks!
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Ohhhhh this was soooo gorgeous!
It took my breath away! (I realize how cliche that must sound, as everyone says that - but I mean it literally took my breath away). It was like getting up at five in the morning to watch the sun rise over the Atlantic, which seems so frigid even in July when darkness rules the sky - then when the moment it finally rises over the horizon in that bursting red glory (it is only that color for a few moments, it seems), your breath literally gets caught in your chest and you seem to stand there, breathless, for an eternity until you become accustomed to the beauty and are able to exhale.
You definitely have a talent for choosing all the right words. "Anvil" was a wonderful addition to this poem.
I love to read poets like you because it's always so inspiring. A thosuand images and ideas flood my mind any time I read one of your works (another reason why I should do so more often!).
I would say "great job" - but that would be rather redundant, now wouldn't it? You always do wonderfully.
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this is beautiful. I always appreciate a lovely sonnet since I cannot seem to master the form myself. The last couplet is perfect to my thinking. It wraps the rest up and leaves a feeling of ... sadness. Thank you for accepting my invitation.
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Wow, I certainly didn't expect such a powerfully romantic write, don't know why but didn't. This is beautifully crafted and structured throughout, it really utilises the sonnet form well. Loved the use of sibilance to evoke the soft mood and tone and the imagery of the anvil is especially powerful.
Huge thanks for your very erudite comments on my own work, please continue to crit as much as you can, it's always so useful and refreshing to receive advice, and practical advice at that.
I did like this piece, congratulations on the trophy, it was well deserved.
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Liked the rhyme, rhythm and flow of this english sonnet. Easy to read and understand. Congrats on the HM for this lovely poem.
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A couple of slant rhymes (while not a problem in themselves a problem against the ideals of our contests) dropped this from one of the top three slots. It is always great to see new names at the top of the pile!
A delicious sonnet and well worth reading and re-reading
Thanks for the entry and please keep coming back in the later rounds
Jeff and Sue
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Thank you both for the HM and your kind comments. Sorry about the slants - but I thought they were very slight and worked well - without trying to force alternatives. Although this was only my second sonnet, I really love this form and its variants above all others. They certainly present a great challenge to the writer but give such satisfaction when finally worked out! I will strive to return in later rounds - ludicrous work demands permitting! Thanks again, K.
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I will venture the following comment at the risk of being included with the "Huckleberry Hoard"!
The poetry falls sweetly on the ear. Your imagery is beautiful - my favourite is the image in the 3rd stanza of love being beaten and tempered on the anvil.
The metre is flawless and the rhyming unforced, throughout. A well-executed English sonnet. -
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Thank you so much for taking the time to add this gracious and positively un-huckleberried comment! - I'm glad it worked for you.
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it's good to read some excellent punctuation and grammar
This is an excellent sonnet which builds to an important climax in the last two lines. I can feel the emotion and see that you have spent a lot of time on this great poem. Congratulations on a job well done.
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Oh. This is a nice little poem that you have written in here. I think that it has a lot of both sad and happy aspects to it. Like the parts about feeling such deep love and happiness. Also I can feel a lot of hope and reaching and that's a good thing because that's how you find the right person. I hope that you find them soon!
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Good
Very powerful emotions are allowed to burn their way through your thoughts and smolder within our heart. Uninhibited love where passions are unleashed and allowed to roam, what a rare and valued treasure to have in one' life. Ah, but to feel that magnitude of love, if for only a fleeting moment in time. A poem that flirts with the reader's emotions.
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What a nice poem, if a little sentimental for my jaded tastes. Perhaps a little archaic and formal, old-fashioned even?
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Well, I had to whore myself out in the shop window to get reads for this. I paid APimp its cut, and now I have 11 views and your solitary comment. Perhaps you have hit the nail on the head - it is a poem - and that is a concept that many of the huckleberry hoards of wow-ers and whoa-ers seem to struggle endlessly with. Nevermind. Thank you for your nice comment and good manners. Are you ill?
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Am I ill? No, for my age I am fine, although I do have erectile problems unless the woman is 40 years my junior.
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