The spring has brought
vivid rain, that starts
by scratching the sky in light
Applause of thunder
reminds me of the wet performance
that's carrying on outside
Later,
when the sun pulls the curtain
of clouds apart to peek out at
who waits for a final bow;
I meander through the backyard
turning over clay pots, round cups
and saucers that have caught
crystal clear rain water
So that no mosquitoes
may birth themselves here
Everything may deserve a chance,
but not everyone will get one.
Author notes
: )
A contest entry
- translucent by Saffron.
900 points, ended July 8, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This is excellent. The poem really starts in the second half and at this point it becomes fucking excellent.
Like it a lot- I just describe why, just that it is a great idea that I feel is close to my own way of looking at things.
Noice! XD
Id X
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Luvit.
Lots of truth here. Loving your stuff. -
fantastic
your imagry is awesome! i could picture the sun coming out after a rain and cups and saucers filled with water...also good point at the end...
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Very good
I love the way you wrote this. As I live in the country, I could see my self doing the same thing with the pots. I loved the imagery. THank you for sharing.
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Nicely written!
I really enjoyed this and the pictures it evoked in my mind.
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works for me
clean narrative and the rare little truth
Thanks for this stuff.
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I really like how you ended this, with a little dose of reality. I like how you described the rain, storm and its aftermath, and for me, the ending was unexpected with a little twist, and that's always a good thing, I think.
Thank you for sharing your talent and for writing this for the contest
Saffron
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sweet !
your imagery caught me up ! loved it, precise words, beautiful mix of real world and unusual metaphors. Your last verse fits so well and adds a subtle twist to your cute poem that ends with kind of a harsh opinion !
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I like the mix of the magical and the practical. It brings things into a higher relief. Beautifully done with nice broad strokes of words.
Love, Tom B.
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Hmmm very interesting...
The flow was good (: I really liked the message that this poem contains... keep penning!
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