DARK DECAY OF ROTTING FLESH
DISMEMBERED THOUGHTS THAT I KNOW BEST
ROAMING THROUGH THE DESERTED PLAINS
LOOKING FOR THE WINDS OF CHANGE .
DECEITFUL WICKED THINGS THAT CREEP
IN MY MIND AND IN THE STREETS
CHILDREN LOST PITIFUL SIGHTS
LEFT ALONE TO BLOODLESS NIGHTS .
BURNING FIRES IN THE SKIES
REFLECTING OFF MY DECREPIT EYES
RIVERS FLOWING BLACK AS TAR
EMPTY NIGHTS WITHOUT STARS
WILTING PEELING SKIN OF LEATHER
FLESH AND BONE AS LIGHT AS FEATHERS
SLIPPING THROUGH THE SANDS OF TIME
BODIES BURIED IN PILES OF LIME.
A contest entry
- 3 MOS. Gold MEMBERSHIP-updated to 600 points! and feature, Prompt: APATHY- Give Dark Writing a Try... by ears2hearyou.
1300 points, ended July 10, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - King Me! by Sister-Vee.
600 points, ended September 15, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Imaginary by know one.
750 points, ended August 29, 2008, 109 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - HEARTACHE KILLS.... ;) by Let.Me.Be.Dreaming.
550 points, ended July 27, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For People Who Enjoy Edgar Alan Poe by duana.
400 points, ended October 11, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Beware: Enter at your own risk by Winged Unicorn.
700 points, ended October 1, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Good write
Well written, good pace kept me interested. Thanks for the entering -
Well well. I do like a good rhyming poem. Thanks so much for your entry.
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very well, I like this!
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Is this one based off Desperation? I really like it, that what it reminds me of. Best of luck.
♥
whisper
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wow
the rhymr is really good!dark,discriptive,great write!thanks for entering! -
Could you put the title of your inspiration in the comment box please?
Otherwise, Very Good! -
Awesome write, but I have one suggestion, which of course you can always tell me to shove up my ass, but how about
BURNING FIRES IN THE SKIES
REFLECTING OFF MY DECREPIT EYES
RIVERS FLOWING BLACK AS TAR
"THROUGH TAINTED NIGHTS VOID OF STARS"
ALSO YOU HAVE DECREPIT MISSPELLED
But anyways...as I said, awesome write, best of luck to you ~Bret~
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it is an awesome flowing read everything is set right i love the part
"DARK DECAY OF ROTTING FLESH
DISMEMBERED THOUGHTS THAT I KNOW BEST " and
"DECEITFUL WICKED THINGS THAT CREEP
IN MY MIND AND IN THE STREETS"
those bits are awesome! -
To second the previous comment, your flow is great, but because some of your images lack concrete detail... for example, compare "rivers flowing black as tar" to "left alone to bondless nights." I can see, smell, imagine the first, but the second leaves me outside the poem, wondering what a 'bondless night' is exactly, or what you meant by that, especially when you go straight into more details that are specific, like "burning fires in the the skies," which is also giving me direction to see by. I hope I've explained this well enough to understand, because I really do agree with the first comment by ears2hearyou, we may just define 'soul' differently. Good Luck in the contest.
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Bold and powerful
flawless in your flow...I could sing this...pounding
bass and keyboard delight.
Artfully..this touched with dark outlines boldly...
my only yearning...in this was a touch of your inner
voice to make me scream at you, or bitterly weep
for mercy.
This is a strongly written poem, beautiful and flawless,
yet you wrote as if you were looking out the window...
I would love to issue a Golden membership..but first
you must add a soul to this.
Soul's have feeling, weep, let me hear your scream,
or moan.
It should only take a touch or two...because
your flow is perfection.
This could be a poem we would never forget if you
add a soul to it!
ears2hearyou/Kathleen/Seattle
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