Looking up at you in the dark of night
yet all I see are blinding lights.
You hold me up with stars in your eyes.
You let me go, to my surprise.
You carry my Cinderella shoe in your hand.
You follow my dreams and meet me where I stand.
We sway in the ocean of "Do's" and "Don'ts"
in the beauty of youth and "Wills" and "Won'ts"
For years it has been you and me
Flowing in this eternal sea
of love in which there is plentiful doubt;
but we know it hardly matters when the lights go out.
The beauty that surrounds you is greater than anything I've known
and I only hope you pull me in and claim me for your own.
There is a backdrop of dreams surrounding the perfection that is you,
and I can feel your hand in mine, knowing nothing else could do.
In this water we were carried from one another
and I sit on a lone plateau and I shudder.
I don't think of what is you without me,
because deep in my memory, blinding lights I still see.
Author notes
This is kind of a combination of options 2 and 3. I used the title from option 2, but I've been inspired also but the Dashboard Confessional songs The Secret's In The Telling and Currents. I've been listening to Dashboard a lot lately and I like how they write, so I figured why not give it a shot? I enjoyed writing this, good luck to everybody. Comments are greatly appreciated.
And BUTTER!!, by the way.
A contest entry
- whootness!! Options!! =D by Technicolor.
300 points, ended July 5, 2008, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments are well appreciated.
Comments
-
woot!
this is an amazing poem! the depth in this poem is simply incredible... the meaning behind your words! i love it... and also, i like the way you weave fantasy into this piece... it just brings this poem to life! i love it... keep penning!
BEAUTIFUL!
-
Nice poem. I particularly like the first half, with lines like "You hold me up with stars in your eyes. / You let me go, to my surprise." and "You carry my Cinderella shoe in your hand. / You follow my dreams and meet me where I stand."
The Cinderella reference makes me think of another good poem in this contest. It's a theme this time, I see.
I also find "In this water we were carried from one another / and I sit on a lone plateau and I shudder." to be my favorite line. I'm not sure why, but it gives good imagery.
Good write and good luck! -
-
Yeah, I noticed other Cinderella references too. Strange coincidence. Thank you for the comment.
-
-
wow. this is beautiful. I love evrything about this- the imagery and rhyme was simply perfect. I love this so much..it's great readong this. totally loved this
best of lucks in the contest
-checkmate-
Adding your comment:
