Tell me, what's the purpose for
A camel oil painted door?
To represent the lengthened square,
The one we always knew...
or be the door that's always there,
But never ventured through?
A painter, in the attic, late,
He tries to keep the edges straight.
His family thinks he's lost his mind,
They leave him there alone.
For weeks up there, he's been confined,
A chilly comfort zone.
He thinks that if he can create,
It will help prolong his fate.
This artist seeks to challenge God,
And everything he's known.
He wants to make a new facade,
And it will be his own
Carefully, he does his job,
Sculpting in the painted knob...
He'll live in each and every mind,
That gaze upon the piece.
With every stroke so well refined,
His life will never cease.
How can this artist's mind explore,
The world beyond the painted door?
His family found the attic bare,
With no one to be found.
The finished painting sitting there,
Tipped over on the ground...
The painted door was open wide,
A mirror on the other side...
His family saw the artist's face,
They said it looked like this:
Reflected in the spaceless space,
Was horror mixed with bliss.
They never spoke about that day,
And locked the painting far away...
He left to see his painted land,
Where life can never stop.
Bound to every painted strand,
And every painted drop...
Author notes
People who read a bunch of my work can tell that this piece deals with themes I deal with a lot. Paint imagery and permanent marks are something I use often, as is the concept of immortality.
This is kind of a collision of two related ideas. The first is the idea that when an artistic creator paints or writes about something, that that creation exists as a parallel universe of sorts. Because this created universe exists in the minds of the audience, it is just as real as anything else in their minds. For more information on this, look up "pantheistic solipsism" somewhere.
The second is the old saying that artists will live forever in their work and that people will never forget them as long as their works still exist for us to remember them with.
I'm hoping to get some thoughtful comments on this one... it took me a very long time to do. Read carefully, this one is probably one of my less straightforward pieces. Thank you so much for reading!
A contest entry
- The Fantasy Element by ArchOblivion.
600 points, ended September 7, 2008, 17 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Think this one was clear enough? There's a fair bit going on here...
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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Very well written!
Firstly, it's in rhyme..which is hard to do so well.And then it reads like a story and has a really great theme.
Bookmarking this one, I think!
Keep it coming,
~ Overcast.
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This is and always has been an amazing poem to read. And you should have gotten gold.
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congrats on bronze
100% deserved,
this is an amazing write
love it
erica carnea
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Hum di dum i wonder who this author could be? A very fantastical write if i do say so myself, mysterious and dark and not straying at all from the fantasy theme. Thanks for your entry =) and good luck to you.
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I admit I was wandering briefly in places, but overall - is a powerful read. Thoughtful expression and food for thought. Shows much of the devotion to craft and heart. The imagery is well detail, but while being straight forward has an abstract sense. Nicely done!
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there is so much power and thought within your words, the creativity of it and the images are just gripping, just wow well done
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the theme of the multiplicity of existence and the artist as the gateway is at the core of creativity. the image of the door makes me recall the paintings of Rothko.
the last stanza really peaked my interest ... how we are bound to temporal existence but through this existence, one sees the totality of it.
the images here are vivid and will be returning to this write. bookmarked and thank you.
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there is a lot going on in this poem but you manage to relate every aspect in a meaningful and beautiful manner. i really enjoyed reading this poem for the starting line and thanks so much for sharing!
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Interesting use of rhyme, the words are flowing and the imagery fantastic, loved the lines:
"Reflected in the spaceless space,
Was horror mixed with bliss."
Beautifully written.
-- Jojo x sinnocence -
"He tries too keep the edges straight."
Should be 'to', not 'too'.
Otherwise...the entire thing had cohesive metaphors (always a plus) & plus, your metaphors were deeply unique as well...very cool & no wonder it's Today's Poem!!
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Ah! Typos like that always embarrass me ... especially when they're caught so late after writing.... Good snag. Thanks for reading!
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It reminds me of "Dorian Grey"...you have a great word ability but slip into common word couplets in the middle...It is a great piece...and the last stanza is excellent! good on ya, mate!!
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I enjoyd the rich imaginative images of this piece as well as the over all flow and meaning. Good stuff!
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true and wonderful... wow.. what we can creat with imagination and observation right? you did an excellent job because you did like many artists. took something thta to a human eye that lacks of observation might seem as a simple door, but to the eyes of artists like yourself this is something else..
The way you compare doors with immortality now that's just strange to me because I compare doors to escapes
but thats just me of course.
you would've won a gold trophy if this poem was in a contest about doors.. I would've definately given you gold...
great write and thanks for sharing!
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Amazing work here and I love
the way that you put this together!
Well done and thanks a lot for
sharing it with us all here. Keep
up the wonderful work here!
Jeremy0826 -
Excellent! You have been nominated for Poem of the
day! In the group Todays Poem.
Great job!
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Perfection
This was not only entertaining to read, but also quite 'meaty' for lack of a better word. I very much enjoyed the story, I saw the whole thing taking place in my minds eye. Thanks for sharing!
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150 Million stars!!!
Amazing!!! I'm breathless, this is an amazing piece. Not only is it a modern vision of The Portrait of Dorian Grey, but it is also a small bit like The Lady of Shalott, a poem about a woman who was cursed to work for all time, but instead, concerned about a man in the world (Lancelot...go figure) and she leaves her incomplete tapestry behind...she goes to Camelot and dies there because she suffered her own curse.
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well penned
I love the way you penned this thing,
heartfelt soul that your words bring...
It kept my head on thinking space,
your painted door in artists oils...
colors painted by the human race,
brushing strokes of lifelong toils...
rudolf
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A Profound and Powerful Masterpiece...
This is a very clever poem, which had me enthralled from beginning to end. Your muse has quite a colorful and surreal gift of vision!!! Peace, Cyn
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What an interesting and well though out piece. The rhythm, though slightly rough in some areas, is excellent overall and does not distract from the themes throughout. I especially liked how you ended it, using a mirror that reflects the artist was a nice touch and ended the piece without ending the 'story' behind it. I also appreciate your author notes, its nice to see where you're coming from and the different ideas that went into the work. Again, excellent piece and a good blend of captivating ideas.
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enthralling,
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Excellent!
As an artist, this grasped my heart and mind with a hug of appreciation for all artists and what they strive to do. We hope to create something that will outlast us..some small memento of what our lives were about, reflecting a small piece of time or happenings in the world. I have seen paintings that I would love to step into and have painted a few that captures a cherished time...bless you for writing something so meaningful to me! please read my poem called "The Painter" It needs additional editing before I will be truly proud of it.
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One of the better poems I've read in a long time. I don't know if anyone else has said this, but it reminds me a little of The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde.
I like the first stanza; it's a terrific opening. I also love the second to last stanza; eerie.
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The rhyming on this poem totally pulled me into it... My foot actually started tapping to the beat as I was reading.
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really good! one thing was the fate couplet on 15. Not arguing with it - just found it a little cliché. I particularly enjoyed the ending stanza - very omniscient. deserving of the spotlight!
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You've remained true, throughout the poem, to your rhyme scheme I applaud that effort. It's refreshing and drect with a thoughtful message. All in all a good write. Happy trails
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Oh My!
Awesome write sweets! I absolutely LOVE the rhyme scheme because it was so well done! This whole piece explains itself in many ways, very cute and unusual! Just like me! Excellent write and I hope to see lot's more to come! 
+ Jackie -
Awesome as always, and brillant too. Wonderfully written. You are definitely a master of rhyme!
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Wow. This is... undescribably amazing. I love evey little detail of it, and it was an unusual rhyme scheme. The rhyme took me a little while to get used to, but by the third stanza or so I liked it.
"How can this artist's mind explore,
The world beyond the painted door?
His family found the attic bare,
With no one to be found.
The finished painting sitting there,
Tipped over on the ground..."
Gorgeous.
You had fantastic imagery and flow.
The only thing I would recommend is hitting "enter" or "return" twice at the end of the poem. It will just put one extra space at the bottom and give it a more professional look, like it doesn't stop abruptly before the authors notes. It would also... pronounce? the "..." at the end of the poem.
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Vivid
"He wants to make a new facade, and it will be his own" "With every stroke so well refined, His life will never cease" "Reflected in the spaceless space,
was horror mixed with bliss" These lines are powerful and full of meaning. The last stanza was sad but wonderful. I loved this piece all the way around. And you are right a true artist will live on long after he/she is gone. well done. ~mandie~ -
Immortality
I have viewed the arts this very way. This is a very well written poem indeed. You penned perfectly. Simone sent me to read I am glad she did. Thanks for sharing your talents.
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This is an AMAZING poem. The words, the flow, the rhyme scheme....was perfect in every way. Along with the message you were trying to send. The way you displayed everything, and the way you spoke made everything about this poem 100% PERFECT. Wow. I have to read it again. GREAT job.
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It seems the artist is working for two things here: immortality and an escape. Maybe both in the same sense?
This is a very adventurous piece, one that reminds me of my imaginings when I was little.
As usual, your work is amazing and alarmingly imaginative.
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Definitely an interesting read. The rhythm and flow were mesmerizing, and I found myself being carried from line to line which I can say rarely happens when reading poems anywhere.
I like to look at creating as a way of doing something "Godly" because I believe God is the creator of everything. It's a poem I twill likely have to read a few more times to really appreciate, but one I enjoyed the first time through too.
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This was probably one of the most enjoyable poems I have read in a while. The rhyme and rhythm were great.
The first stanza did not seem to match the others as well as they did with each other, though I do like it and suppose it is a good start. (Though perhaps it could just as easily work as the ending?)
I am an artist of sorts myself so I can definently appreciate the entire concept, especially of wanting to go into my own creations and of being - in a way - exiled for longing for just that!
Very Poe-ish in a way and also, much like the story of Dorian Gray in ways.
This is a very interesting piece and more interesting the more I think about it. Worthy of bookmarking.
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Thanks for reading. I haven't read the picture of Dorian Gray... it's been on my list for a while, it's in my summer reading pile. I consider any comparison to Poe GREAT praise... so thank you very much.
The first stanza maybe doesn't fit as well as the others in terms of plotting because it's meant to be an attention grabber and mood setter. It also separates two different types of art: what tries to depict reality with perfect accuracy, and what tries to depict the undepictable and give it reality.
Thank you so much
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So cool! The image of the artist's face scared me a bit though.
Why did they lock the painting away though? Do they not want him to live on? are they trying to hide his existence?
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