Enchanting verses of love portrayed heart's refrain
inhaling aroma of sugar coated emotions within vanilla sunbeams
descending outburst of fantasies tosses me within its throws
I was trapped to crashing waves of darkness
Crystallised tears flowing on fingertips
sweetened sorrows beneath phallid moonbeams
glittering suffering cascading down porcelain skin
a liquid lullaby flowing in velvet shade of pain
Drowning beauty was I
lulled by silver moonlight tongue
in just simple kiss
I travelled through icy land of delusions
Silent mutilated screams tells my ghostly tale,
slowly breathing death
while devouring remnants of deceptions
locked all frail frustrations in bittersweet silence
thus reality becomes my nightmare
A contest entry
- PIF PROMPT CONTEST by penman.
700 points, ended June 23, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn your Green Trophies into Bronze, Silver or Gold by FloridaGatorQueen.
600 points, ended June 29, 2008, 63 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tired of HM's? (III) by PatheticKt.
570 points, ended August 13, 2008, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - HM winners or Metaphorical poems by Chocoholic156.
550 points, ended September 21, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - #125 Turn that green into gold by daviscth.
300 points, ended August 25, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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It all seems so beautiful when it is written in the words of another, like watching the stars explode from lightyears away or admiring the tradgic romance of Romeo and Juliet.
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Through all of the lines I felt you were trying to add on to EVERYTHING with more descriptions and unnecessary words. It did not work for you. Cut it down, don't think so much. Just write, don't add on to every line with another ten words that could be a line unto itself. Good luck in your other contests, and keep writing.
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You did a great job of creating this. I enjoyed the imagery very much. Thank you for posting.
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Quite a lovely poem you've got here. Wonderful usage of words to make the imagery quite excellent; I'll have to be honest, I am not sure of the theme until I read a few more times so I got the theme and I pretty much like the beautiful surrealism within it
Now the reason I wasn't sure with the theme was because it looked like a long enjambment and there are times I've read poems like that but still could understand when to know if it's the end of the sentence but in here, I really got lost ^^'
No worries about that, though because I'm a bit slow
Anyway, as I typed already, you've got a lovely poem here, all right 
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This is an awesome poem. I think a lot of people can relate to this. Reality can be a royal nightmare. I enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.
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Wonderful
Very well done. Best of luck in the contest.
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This is a bit of departure for you and you've done it with equisite word choice and powerful images... Well done!
Ken
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