A taut string;
manipulated masterfully
by Slowhand.
The music that echoes
from neck to ear -
The subtle flutter
of heart when eye
meets eye beyond
stage lights.
The slow song
of lovers
strummed open,
Exposed
&
The velvet edge
of his voice
caressing my sorrow
into serenity.
In a list
A contest entry
- sin by ArtFullyMe.
2200 points, ended July 20, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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I've tried and tried.. with this, but you know, I simply can't see any sin here..
Maybe as Sol says it's in the desire itself? Or voicing it? Not sure..
for myself though, there's no sin in wishing, or in wishing to be what this seems to wish for..
I guess I never really did get how religion makes it wrong, and still don't.
Clapton has magic hands ... but I like Mark Knoppler's guitar more
Thank you
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I don't do sinful well lol
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You words shed a magical light beneath prose to poetry. I adore the direction and use of language - your tone is beautiful.
[Applause sponsored by wonderful you]
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this is stunning. rich imagery that paints such a beautiful and sensual picture. this is what sin is...seductive, soft, irresistable.
fabulous writing!
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he who would make beautiful music with the woman must first tune his ear to the dulcet tones of your heart strings --humperdinkfish
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Sin... as in one of the seven
Of course this is about sin. All those silly people who commented before me...
My favorite sexy steamy line:
"A taut string;
manipulated masterfully..."
I have definitely been there, girl! I'd love to hear more on that theme of tension.
Tension is HOT!
All the best to my very talented friend, Suzanne Dia!
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Beautiful Suzi. An ache, a promise and a release all rolled into one gorgeous, silky work.
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this piece reminds me of a line in a poem by Andre Breton ... "world in a kiss".
thanks.
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Thank you.
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Yah? This is sin???
I expected more blood and gore....not a beauty of lyrics echoed across the stage....through a haze of light and music.
I find this very lulling....a painting done in soft light and muted colors.
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"The velvet edge
of his voice"
this is gorgeous....what a beautiful poem...
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There is something so delicate in this writing.
The flutter stanza sounds like it needs a word added
after “beyond“, but I could be wrong. Like a “the”.
Those last two parts, with the & in-between, are just
so well penned. I love the word choice for an ending,
“serenity”. Quite remarkable how that resounds.
I like how you have used “slowhand” though could
It be spaced? I think it is preference and it’s as simple as that. Poetically it works as it is.
I love your stuff Suzanne. I always have.
;
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Slowhand is Eric Clapton's nickname, and as far as I could tell in research on the web, there's no space in there.
I always strip extra 'the's out
Thank you, as always, for your insightful comment.
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Oh I see it now. Though I wouldn't have the foggiest without your help...LOL. As I don't listen to Eric Clapton. And you're welcome, girl.
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wonderful...
al
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I was going to say that I see no 'sin' here...
However what you may have done is expose it by making such an expression from its very opposite!
The healthy desire for the 'beautiful'; appreciation, openness...
and excellent taste!
Sol
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helix, merry
full of grapefruits
furry postman horny mates
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Oh Suzi...
This is one of your best by far. Such subtle strokes of the meaning here, yet layered nicely...
And Eric Clapton is one of my favorites...just downloaded Tangled in love the other day...I listen to his ass ALL the time, Ahem well his mouth actually
This is good stuff my dear.
☼Becky☼
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"The velvet edge
of his voice
caressing my sorrow
into serenity."
Beautiful, tender & lovely. I heard both Eric & The Pointer Sisters. I understand why you cannot write lust as sin. There is fucking, then there is making love, even if it involves a touch of lust. Once we've discovered the difference, why would we choose ONLY sex? I have known the velvet comfort of a beloved voice, soothing me beyond sorrow's reach. This is a wonderful penning, Sweetie. Good luck in Liza's contest. Dammmnnn, I don't envy her task at judging; I've read some amazing entries this past hour. Wanda
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I'm with Cat...
sinfully beautiful hon.
sigh.
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killing me softly with his song...
killing me softly...
god this is beautiful- it brings vaguely to mind and more than enhances one of my favorite songs of all time-
you have a way with words suzi- this poem is special
and a great comeback!
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this is looooooooooooovely. ooooo i can picture johnny and myself at it. all "exposed".... ahem ahem... i am not drunk i am not high... johnny...sigh...
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Love the way you bring music into your poetry lately, Suzi...simply love it. Sounds like a good way of sinning and releasing sorrow.
Count me in among the "slowhands" 'cause' there's something in a sunday that makes a body feel alone (a bit of Kris too, lol)
Lovely writing...yes
~ Nicolette
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well first off... I feel like I walked into something I shouldn't have witnessed between you and NC
heehee....
and next, well, subtle sins are ever so lovely
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Love as a song, as a dance Again, the title of the contest confuses me, this was a beautiful piece of love to me xD
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That is because I can't write lust as sin to save my life
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damn that's good
slow hand... god himself, eric clapton... i swore he was only playing it for me, when i saw him at the Apollo, he was you know .. just for me...
ha ha ha
i dont like men today, they suck!!
i think i shall dip myself in honey and throw myself to the lesbians..
THIS IS FABULOUS PIECE my girl
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Lesbians are just as unreliable
Sadly it isn't just having a penis that creates this problem.
hehe, but feel free to snuggle up and steal a snog if you feel lonely
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always girl, you know i love snoggin' you..
yepp... let's cuddle up and do the chicca thing
chicca boom chicca boom, don't ya just love it -
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As the comedienne Elaine Boozler said, "I don't suffer from penis envy. I can have one annnnnnytime I want."
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Alreet,
I'll bring:
Thelma and Louise (lord knows we need it lately)
Boys on the Side (LOVELY movie)
Ya ya sisterhood (Who could have a manhating chick day without it!! Oh, and James Garner makes it worth it anyway, he will be gorgeous to the day he leaves this horrid earth.)
and hm
one kdrama for pretty boy factor
I think maybe "Thank You" would do, it's well worth the tears it costs
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I'll bring
2 bottles of mudslides
the colour purple- a must to cry to
practical magic - more tequila please
beaches - yes yes bette
jezebel - bette davis is a hit
what ever happened to baby jane - go on kill me
some peter kay - bring on the emergency chairs
dr who - ohh my gosh its all ending!!!
and of course, diary of a call girl - just love belle de jour -
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I know
every episode is a tear jerker these days
Poor Donna this week, goddamn, she had a rough time of it.
And I can't believe they have the nerve to kill off our David (gorgeous!) and make us wait two years to meet his replacement
Ohhh but our torchwood lovelies will be there next week! I so need a drooly emoticon.
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