Anger pools up inside me like hot gasoline,
fills lakes I thought empty.
Bitter memories, swelling arsenic,
denial is gone and the dams have broken.
Oh mother,
how I tried to press down feelings
that hold you in ill regard.
Now coiled like a spring,
I fear the rebound.
I want to pretend that its OK,
"She did her best" A mantra for burial
but its not OK.
And I love you, I do,
but what do I do with this anger?
Sister,
my constant Judas,
always you wait like hungry dog for
your chance to please the master.
At whatever cost, you roll over and piss yourself.
Damsel in distress with lolling tounge.
I love you, I do,
but what do I do with this anger?
Father,
Oh my father we always knew
that at the root of it all was you.
Hand feed my self hate with tasty bits of
manipulation...
You rot my subconscious even now
with the echo of your actions.
Some part of me loves what good there is in you,
though its hard to sort,
but what do I do with this anger?
And now the lake floods and the river rises
and I don't know what to do with this
overflowing emotion
but look for the source
in hopes of
stumbling
on its cure.
A contest entry
- so long to this cold, cold part of the world by we bite.
380 points, ended July 9, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What does this make you feel? Anything too repetitive?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Anger is a powerful emotion, if kept at bay for too long it can explode and the result can be catastrophic. I am glad to see that you are able to vent it into a poem as wonderful as this one.
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Really good words
I've been really busy working on a screen play for a book that my family bought the rights to. Today I wanted to read you and you did'nt disappoint.Thanks! -
Wow sarah this is an incredible write, so much emotion, anger, frustration. It really made me go back to my childhood because i have so much anger inside of me for things that happened and i know that unless i forgive those that hurt me my life will never be complete.
I really love this piece.
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theres alot of emotion in this piece... its very good ... im a fan of repetativness if done properly which makes sense... keep up the good work
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I loved this. I can relate to it, very well. I know the feeling of wanting to, but being unable to forgive them. The strength of the anger is scary sometimes, isn't it? Just a few things I would fix, but it's terrific.
"denial has gone and the damns have broken"
--It should be "dams" as in river dams, right?
"hand feeding my self hate w tasty bits of; manipulation"
--I'm guessing that 'w' is 'with'. I would be sure to spell that out. Clarification is an important part of writing. Also, I would place everything after 'hate' in the next line with 'manipulation'. It would keep the rhythm of your poem consistent.
Also, you might want to be sure to capitalize things that should be capitalized. If nothing were, we could attribute it to writer's creative license, but as you do use some capitalization, you might want to be sure to keep that up throughout the poem.
But other than these few, easy-to-fix things, I really loved it. Nice write, and good luck in that contest :]
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Thanks for your critique conundrum i took your suggestions and put them to use! i appreciate your taking the time to give it thought and really help me improve it.
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Glad I was able to help :3
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this is breathtakingly well done.
(is breathtakingly even a word...?) anyways. theres a random w in there somewhere. i dont know why its there.
i really like the adjectives you chose. they made the poem what it is. you used really strong words which helped to convey strong emotion.
wow.
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Emotional
I really liked the water imagery at the beginning an wish you could of explaned on that more. Stayed with it instead of moving on to other images in the same stanza. Overall though I like the poem. I like the idea of love without forgiveness as that is where we all begin on the journey to healing. My favorite stanza is the one about your father. Especially the line
h my father we always knew
that at the root of it all there was you
hand feeding my self hate w tasty bits of
manipulation
Great Image.
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forgiveness is divine, they say...
but personally, I find it overrated
Love does not have to mean complete acceptance of all faults, transgressions, etc... our love is not so unconditional...
If anything.. I'm impressed that you still recognize the love (assuming this poem is personal) you hold, instead of letting all darkness consume you.
good luck in your search for the source...
and figuring out what to do with it.
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I'm so sorry you feel this way (if this is personal of course, which I assume it is), but I must say, it is a beautiful poem. I especially loved the last stanza. The entire poem, like you, is overflowing with emotion. You deserve some applause and praise!
PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE!
SIncerely,
ModernXTimes
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Ms Sarah, You bubble with the best. I'm sure you have lots to find beautiful about your world. But that won't win trophys here. --- Thank you.
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