The night shines bright.
Vibrations, crystal clear.
A voice raises above the crowd,
Louder and louder.
The voice echoes like some memories,
A syllable here and a syllable there.
Everything else mashed together,
Noises, the sound.
MUSIC.
The lights shine down,
The purple sky, now gray with clouds.
Empathetically the voice rings out,
Words that flow,
Rhythm that takes a good soul.
Eye to eye, the focus shifts,
A telepathic communique.
A new voice joins the old,
One smooth, one rough,
Toward the crowd.
The message continues,
Then sixteen chords.
Seems never ending,
Until the final bow.
Abrupt yet completed,
The concert ends.
Author notes
Just got home from the GREATEST jack Johnson concert EVER! it was better than bread and BUTTER.
A contest entry
- whootness!! Options!! =D by Technicolor.
300 points, ended July 5, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
a nice poem the way it is written...starting as good as ending...(Bohut Khoob!) keep writing....all the best...
-
Oops.. I kinda forgot to ask..
Which prompt did you use? -
-
First Prompt.
-
-
LOL. I like how you put "butter" into a sentence. Sorry, I found that funny.
I think some of my favorite parts are in the 2nd and 3rd stanzas. For example:
"A syllable here and a syllable there.
Everything else mashed together,"
Really strikes me as the kind of stuff you would get at a concert.
I also like how it goes from the start to the finish of the show.. With the ending as "Abrupt yet completed,
The concert ends."
Good write and good luck! -
You switch between past and present tenses...e.g. "shined" (incidentally, 'shone' sounds more...regulated) and "raises". You should probably choose a tense to stay consistent with.
"A telepathic communique."
Ooh...this just rolls off your tongue. Great line!
Good luck
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
