Misery assumes the fetal position,
curls around anguish,
pulse pumping pain,
unable to find eyelids to close out
the exquisite agony of your absence.
Breathing a burden,
longing to go where you have gone;
slip beyond the reach of mortal senses,
that perhaps
following same path
may lead to same end,
and I may find you there, again.
Crowbarred
out of willing sink into
quagmire of extinction
by only lever left –
my love of those still living,
and life’s incessant demands:
carousel horses
on endless, pointless journeys
of meals, laundry, work,
forming little clots of service
over hemorrhage of self-pity
on the bandages of prayer
held firmly in place
by the Great Physcian’s hand;
His knowing, understanding blood
meeting mine, teaching formation
of compassion’s scars.
Over time,
riotous rollercoaster of
serial swooping sorrows
alternating with
agonal ascent of near null-ness
tapers to occasional
kiddie hills
little bumps
of tear-shined sadness
and glowing gratitude
that of teeming billions,
I was blessed with you;
your smiles, your wiles,
your peace and furies,
and most especially,
your love.
Author notes
I thought life could not be worth living again. It took time for the pain to become more bearable. The grieving process is not "accomplished" and "done" when you one day touch Acceptance. It is possible to swing back and forth between stages for years (I did).
I was so angry with God. I turned away from Him. When I eventually turned back, I found He had always been there, grieving with me, comforting me, sending me messages of love through the hands of others and the beauties of nature. He never forsook me, though I pridefully withdrew in my hurt. I think that is why it took me so long to reach the high shore of peace, beyond the waves of drowning grief.
If your own path leads through couselling or support groups or other means, be gentle with yourself. Don't get down on yourself if some days you just can't manage much. Identify your most basic routines for "survival mode," and on down days, shift into survival mode and do nothing that is not Truly essential. May you be blessed. My tears for your loss.
A contest entry
- Help Me If You Can by stavykm.
900 points, ended June 27, 2008, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I have read this one before, but it is even better as I read it again. It actually made me cry. You do a beautiful job of describing the grief process. So true what you say about never really accomplishing it, that it is possible to swing back and forth for years. Gave you the three clappies last time, so it won't let me do so again.
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This conveys so much in a gentle, almost humbled
voice. You touch on much of what it means to go
on existing when the will to live has abandoned
physical form. My heart wells for you, for this
sharing and the comfort that it will give those
who drink deep of worded wisdom. Blue
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Thank you, Blue, for your kind reading and comment. I believe there is a degree of balance in all things.
So much of life is valued and weighed by perceiving or experiencing contrast. I think the greater the experience of depths, the greater the appeciation and acknowlegment of heights.
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Oh, hon, this is so exquisite, poignant and tender. And so true. WE find the way back by doing what we have to do, one moment at a time. Your use of language is not the least "cliche" you find new ways to express what you feel. And they work.
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This is an absolutely gorgeous poem. You use imagery well to convey the feelings and frustrations of grief. You are so right that you can slip from stage to stage for years. Grieving is not a linear process! As a friend of mine used to say often, "full circle ahead!" though she was talking about her lack of getting anywhere in a career.
I really like to many of your lines but to quote a few:
carousel horses
on endless, pointless journeys
of meals, laundry, work,
Excellent work.
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Tahnk You So Very Much
I'm so sorry for your loss. This poem is brilliant and powerful in it's words and true meanings of the feeling of losing a loved one, yet you give hope at the end of the poem. Thank you for your understanding I so appreciate it,more then I can say in words. It's only been 9 months and my brother is going to die any day. It is overwhelming and I do go to counceling and support groups. Thank you for sharing your experience, strength and hope with me. Thank you for your loving compassion and best of luck in the contest.
Wishing You Many Blessings
Much Love
Kelle Marie
stavykm
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