your sicily smile
a half-naked opening for words
teeth like white tomes
vessels for language
given a place on your tongue
forthright and between an
awkward gait I have seen you
I could bloom for this day
a second behind
though fortunate as humidity
drenched in rain
your brother the sea
has brought up an orchid
too late but
tell him godiva that I
love it still
wilted around the center
a little bee in its helmet
sometimes when wind blows
silence dulls itself
also the reef simply unbinds
becoming an ache
of watery octopus laughs
all fish in the ocean
can rattle a shell
lobsters with one back leg gone
might catch their fins
it is a circle you see
a place to swallow salt
and whale stomachs
and airtight tankers afloat
hold the raft firm
let it become us
let the drip by drip of water
keep your ideas alive
Author notes
Dedicated to Liza/ArtFullyMe.
Read her. Yes you should.
A direct response to me,
from her: http://allpoetry.com/poem/4361991
In a list
- Some Favourites by others • next in list
- shiny things and added jewels • next in list
- a journey through poesy-ville • next in list
A contest entry
- Beauty Strikes In motion, Photo’s or poems by nature mithya.
450 points, ended July 16, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
critical advice is less warranted here, but still open to some.
Comments
1 - 58 of 58
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Sensual.
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Thank you.
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Stacey
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Thank you.
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Godiva
Chocolate...yes, that's the first thing that came to mind. At first, I was hoping for some write about the self-centered holiday involving chocolate and hearts that are rottened inside out.
But this is much better!
As usual brilliant fucking imagery. Please excuse that second to last word of the last sentence. I was merely trying to express my emotional pleasure.
My arm hairs are freakin' standing up!
Fucking brilliant!
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Liza is a great inspiration to me. If you have not read her, I recommend you do right away. You can swear and say whatever you want on my poems...I don't mind at all. I hate most holidays, for that same reason. They feel so false from the daily influences. We all stand around and act, awkward. I always dread the big holidays. Thanks for the comment! You are really reading my stuff at the moment, huh?
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Yes, she and I spoke earlier as a matter of fact. She is a brilliant writer, and has a unrivaled mind. I aspired to try to write like her for a while. Lol. I even asked her to be my mentor a while back!
Yes, I happen to agree! Holidays are drags. Very depressing. No wonder so many people commit suicide on Christmas! -
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I could have called you, Liza the 2nd, if she had mentored you. Although, I'm glad you decided to go it alone. Makes you more unique when it's just you behind the curtain. Christmas is a death holiday. It's lovely if you have lots of people, but if not, it's just shit. It's been fun chatting. I'm off to do some things. You take care now.
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I thought the title was from the chocolate shop godiva, ha.
'sometimes when wind blows
silence dulls itself'
i thought that was insanely beautiful.
I think like the sea this had such a calming and soothing effective. The ending was my favourite, you can feel something special in this poem.
<33
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Yes liza is like the sea, and has the same effect you speak of. Her work is very calming. You should read her, if you haven't. Quite a talent she is. No chocolate in this poem. Maybe next time...LOL. Thank you for the wonderful comment!
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Ok, I'll read her because this is just so damn sensual I got to find out why it made this so...well anyway I am going to check her out! Love, Chez
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Thank you Chez. I've been having super bad internet trouble so I'm sorry if I haven't done that poem you sent me yet. I will sometime this evening as long as it keeps working.
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Honorable Mention
‘I thought.
The first two stanzas are describing a book?
Sure I did not know what ‘Godiva’ meant.
Then find out about the Anglo-Saxon lady
And her naked attempts for goodness etc.etc..
‘sometimes when wind blows
silence dulls itself
also the reef simply unbinds
becoming an ache
of watery octopus laughs’
This stanza is the most beautiful striking a picture in motion as poetic as words. Simple Too: It s magic moving the lifeless.
The end too is effective and has a distinct message.
The Honorable Mention for me is the highest award for extremely good authors.
Gold, Silver, Bronze, for the upcoming: whom each one of us must encourage
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I forgot I entered this into your competition. I got so behind with things around here that sometimes I lose track of what the hell I'm doing. As usual Jai you leave me a lovely comment. I am glad you figured out who godiva was, it felt perfect to describe liza. I am very glad you held this poem in such high regards. I appreciate it immensely.
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your descriptions are mad...yet I can see every one so clearly
I love when poetry makes me smile
excellent
peace Muddy
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Thank you again for the lovely comment.
Liza is very special. Yes she is.
Imagery like that is the best, I think.
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I like this, although, I do not know the poet you speak of, you describe her in such a wonderful and lively way, I think I'll have to take a look at her work. A fresh and clean write; which seems to be a consistency with you !
~Pt
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Do read liza. She will blow your mind with her poetry. I try to make my poems good without needlessly having too much filler, I'm glad you think so. Job well done I guess. Thanks again for another comment that makes me smile.
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'welcome, 'welcome, 'welcome
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I know this godiva
Liza does and Liza is
lovely poem
yes they should read her stuff
I do
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There is nothing as beautiful as a Liza.
Sigh. That girl is chocolate and oh
such a muse in the flesh.
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in binary code too
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I sometimes imagine the cliche auctioneer who PITCHES at a high end his words and then keeps going, at high speeds, reading your work aloud on top of a mountain. It's that worthy XD
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Thank you so much! Reading my poetry from a top a mountain, huh? Well, that is certainly one of the kindest comments I have received on my poetry.
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i dont even know what to say but
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Thank you!
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This is the style I wish to master.
I am just a child wanting to learn.
This type of writing needs nano second flashes, like lightening.
Or you loose coherent thoughts.
Congrats.
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I think it sort of grows on you in time.
I can see that you are always evolving and I love that about your writing. Sometimes when I read you, I can see the words expanding. It will come with the territory the more you work with it. For sure.
Thank you so much for the comment.
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i love your style.
the opening line "your sicily smile" - i love how you characterized her as italian. that was clever. [well that is what i believe you meant to do] lol
"sometimes when wind blows
silence dulls itself
also the reef simply unbinds
becoming an ache
of watery octopus laughs"
ahhhh that was awesome. the last line especially - what a weird, but cool image & idea.
there was so much rich imagery - i had a difficult time putting faces to the images, coming up with a solid meaning and interpretation. with that set aside though, the stuff i did take from this, all together, is great.
like i said, i love your style.
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Yes, interpretation is key to reading me. I think a poem that holds our hand completely, is a failure. At least, in my opinion. Liza is lovely. She inspired this piece after reading a poem by her. When I looked at her small picture in the corner of her page, I thought, "sicily smile". She just has that mouth that calls for that image. Thank you so much for your comment. When someone can come away from my work with a few impressions, that is lovely. I think my strength has always been in my images. Possibly in my observations. Thanks again, tyler.
You are lovely.
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I'm sure that with little more time I'd be picking much 'fruit' from here.
I choose this one at present:
sometimes when wind blows
silence dulls itself
also the reef simply unbinds
becoming an ache
of watery octopus laughs --- Where did this come from, I love this!!!
Simply (I hope) that it points to the 'unspeakable' by using its images/ symbols/ phenomenon, so thinly veiled here, as being any other than that same 'unspeakableness' present in them.
'The symbols are non-other than their reality'.
Forgive me for merely flying through... I love it!
Plus, it all seems so appropriate for some reason.
I'm sure Liza loves it too.
Sol
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Thank you for your observations, emerald.
As usual you leave me something that I can read. A part of your soul always remains here on my work. I can't thank you enough for putting together your feelings on my piece. There is always such passion in Liza's words and this is my attempt to capture the poetry that she makes me feel. No need to apologize for simply reading off the fly. None of my poems are going anywhere, so feel free to return whenever and expand, if you feel the need.
Yes. Your comments always make me happy Sol.
Very much so.
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this is so beautiful!!....one of the best dedication poems I've ever read... congrats - definately a gold, but more importantly, you wrote this for her...love it!
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Liza is lovely. Thank you so much for holding it in such high regards. Saying it is one of the best dedication poems you've ever read makes my day.
Thank you love.
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There is no critical advice to give here. Splendid writing that I am thankful to read.
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Thank you so much girl.
You always leave such lovely comments.
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the best of yours i've read- rich with imagery
again i must say that i think you have made a giant step forward in your writing
now onto the subject
ain't she the bee's knees though?
gotta love the girl
m
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Hey Mary.
Thank you so much! A lot of what I write sadly never gets added on the site. I want to keep some greedily for myself or for a book. But what I do post now, I have greatly tried to improve and a lot of the unneeded parts have been done away with. I should share with you the edited versions of the poems on my old account at some point...I know that you would probably be interested to see the improvement on those. And yes, Liza rocks! She is a muse for me in the form of a person.
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it's hard to comment on your poetry sometimes.
it's so perfect.
'tell him godiva that I
love it still
wilted around the center'
she should be so happy to have this wonderful piece written about her.
i wish i had more to say about this,
but i can't think of anything.
it just blew me away.
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Thank you so much for the comment.
Perfect is never a reality, but thank you so much
for saying YOU think it is. That means a lot.
Your comments always make me smile, see.
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"tell him godiva that I
love it still
wilted around the center
a little bee in its helmet"
++
"it is a circle you see
a place to swallow salt
and whale stomachs
and airtight tankers afloat
hold the raft firm
let it become us
let the drip by drip of water
keep your ideas alive"
you never cease to amaze me.
seriously, your eyes are just so, unique and lovely in all their strangeness...
it's wonderful.♥
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Hey girl.
Glad to see that you enjoyed my poem. She is a lovely poet, you should read her. As she did bring about such poetry from me.
Thanks so much for the comment.
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just when the ship seems to be sinking is when we see our hopes, dreams and strength the most...
eh.. just where i went
love this one
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Yes. How true.
Thank you so much for the comment Grunts.
Much appreciated.
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There IS a sadness in this, I'm certain of it. Perhaps it was the bee in the wilted helmet that did it for me. The sting, you know? I like that, though, I like that you write such a pure feeling ...and you don't lie about it.
There is always sadness coupled with beauty, always.... even when we choose not to see it.
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Hey Suzanne. Yes there is sadness in here, of course. You can't have one without the other. Life is a balance of both, I think. Which me and Liza have talked about extensively. I also was suppose to turn this into something more "sinful", if you know what I mean, but that didn't work...LOL. It slowly began to become a dedication for her.
And she rocks, seriously.
Thanks so much for the comment, love.
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ahhh i saw that comment on her pages and thought yes!!
superb piece James, i shall be back later with better words when the coffee has reached parts other coffee's cant
lololol
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Hey there Gilly.
Yes I hope that coffee does reach some of those places really hard to reach. You need it right now. Yes you do love. Thanks so much babes. I'll be waiting for you.
Love ya!
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love you too .... very much, you're my diamond geezer
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Yes I am!
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I'm sure there are secret little codes of meaning here that I don't get, but it's still a dilightful little "raft" ride out on a sea of odd images and language play. That's always fun when well done
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Hello love.
Yes this is slightly interwoven around Liza and her work. So I kind of played around with personal mixed with impersonal. I just find her work so enchanting and this is what came about from reading her. Some of this is how she makes me feel, as a metaphor. Hopefully your bruises are healing girl. I hope so at least.
Thanks for the comment.
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oh and ....besides bookmarked..
I've saved this
I will be back....
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I shall be waiting for your return.
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I will return.. when I can speak... but
I am truly wordless....
hold the raft tight
let it become us
let the drip by drip of water
keep your ideas alive
you can't know ....how much that means..
I don't have the voice to express it..
I am truly honored.
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Oh and "tight" is now "taunt", at the end of the poem.
I noticed that I had "airtight tankers"
and the word "tight" afterwards. Don't want that.
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You are very welcome Liza.
I put it all together after reading your wonderful poem
and it was a few different things that I was originally going for. However, it was always meant to be a dedication as your poem inspired the beginning of this write. Plus, you are one of those writers who keep me coming back to this site. So for that alone, I must thank you.
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