We dallied under
Vine maples and sapling alders
Searched for lady slippers
But instead
Found blackberry riots and
Desiccated branches
An old skid road
Brought ghost ferns and
Hollows filled with
Skunk cabbage
While waves wrapped
Intricate lacings of weeds
'Round mule spinners
His cyanotic eyes
Were hard enough to make
The sun turn tail and
Tender enough to attract me
To his world of illusion
.
Author notes
A simple observation of a remembered moment while loving him.
A contest entry
- simple things by Cat.
2100 points, ended July 8, 2008, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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You use nature in your poetry very well. "Ghost ferns" and "Skunk Cabbage," "Lady slippers" -- staying ahead of the rain -- good Lord! Writers oftentimes ruminate on plants and come across as too ponderous; here you escape cliche and serve a purpose far broader than mere description. The nature Gods were showing you something that day and your beautiful writing gives us a glimpse of what it was.
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the last stanza almost stands alone... simple, but intense... affecting
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I love all the elements of nature you weaved into this...lovely, but this does have an ominous feeling to it...is it just me?..lol, maybe it's the title, too..
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thank you and no it is not just you
I am glad I could give you a feeling with it
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God you have such great imagery in your poems, Goz. Reading them puts me right there.
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i completely agree with Mary about the title, it's a great one... i love the detailed imagery in the piece, it gives it a real credibility...
stanzas 1 & 2 are particularly strong...
excellent entry here, thanks...
al -
i love this title- each time i peruse the poetry in this contest your title just pops out to me-
a keen eye for observation
leads this poem and this reader down the exact path you are journeying- that
is the finest compliment
a reader can bestow i think?
i saw what you willed me to see-
very nice piece
so glad to find you writing again
and here
too.
m
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Sweet, quiet, beautiful, as simple as that.
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Full of great imagery! Enjoyable read.
jen
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I love cyanotic eyes...
and the ..... sense of not quite being here... in that...
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I find this very, very lovely. A riot of blueberries is gorgeous.
I feel these same sort of things but can no longer post poems about them -- I feel so very self aware. So it is nice to read it in others .. strange huh?
Good good love poem.
Lisa
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make poetry...not war!
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simply devine. A moment captured beautifully hon, so many words to love here.
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When I taught, i always tried to link importnat things to visuals, it enriches them, it all becomes linked in the mind, in the memory.
This does that
wonderful poem!
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steps drift on silken roads
dye ferns aside
ajar, abroad
tall fingers split mystery lips
in breath and sound
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Hello Heidi. I’m not sure if you remember me...
We use to comment on each other. Jaunty pill?
Apples is my new account. And now the pill
one is basically just my second home, that I
never use. I think your poetry has always been
a place of modern imagery mixed with a plethora of
personal statements. Here in this poem, for instance,
you have a lovely use of sound and punctuation.
Sadly I can’t think of anything critical at the moment. But that happens. Lovely stuff girl.
Now that I know your new home, I’m going to fav you
and try to keep up with your writing, when I can.
Lovely to reconnect.
;
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I would have to agree with Luna Tique Fringe in that your use of vocabulary is quite exquisite. Your words flow effortlessly and paint imagery as skillfuly as any painter. Well done.
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exquisite...you had me from the word 'dallied' that in itself draws up buckets.
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Oh Heidi, the diction in this piece is really intoxicating, like a good mixed drink! You are a most skilled wordsmith my dear.
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It's the seemingly simple things that stay with us. So much detail here but the last stanza made itself sit in my eyes...made them all soft. Lovely poetry, a beautiful memory of love pressed so tenderly against the page...
~ Nicolette
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Beautiful, Heidi.
It is nice to find your words here again; and you make simple so intricate, it is hard not to fall into it.
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You always hit a mark in me with your poems that few others find. Always a word, an image that is so vivid and connects across worlds.
Hope you are doing okay Heidi.
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Watch out for the skunk cabbage...
Love the last stanza
☼Becky☼
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Simple...but very rich!
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