i am past tense.
is my life useless? yes.
can it get better? no.
will it ever change? no.
will the flood of tears ever stop? no.
i am so yesterday.
so last moment.
so yesterday.
so it is funny that I distract myself
with the present:
business,dreams, discipline, blind devotion,
love, laughs, living out precarious motion,
friends, food, silence,schedules, sleep, smile,
answering "I'm fine", seething all the while;
(isn't that the only answer?)
yes the present is my oyster, and
the present is my hiding place,
until time creeps in and all is past,
and nervousness, fear, panic and sadness
set in. I am so yesterday. So last moment.
i am past tense.
Author notes
4. I will not be fine
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
A strong concept and the flow is wonderful to bring the truth behind the words..the life and its philosophy is shared by the poetic journey..thanks..
-
This is brillant. Wow duana sound as if yuo really let yourself go in this. This turn out brillantly. I would have given this gold. If this was a poem in my contest.I love your wording and I love how you cover life little points that we get consumed with. We feel as if life wont permit us to have a life.A life where we can get some rest and problem of this life wont effect us.Sometime we want more and we deserve more. But situation life wont permit us.You covered this brillantly I dont think I could have said it better. I can tell alot of thought went into this.Great job and yes I would love to help you. We can talk m,ore about it when i am on again.
-
I like that "past tense" can either mean the verbal tense or that the speaker is beyond tension. Same with "present" being either "now" or like an item given. Cool wordplay.
-
i like the part about the past being your oyster, it generates the message about the past and letting go and while it may not be the easiest thing to do it's often mandatory to be happy and content and move forward ...ty for sharing with us.
-
Hahaha i loved the concept of this piece!
The issues raised were interesting and the way the message presented unique (:
Just a random suggestion, maybe more alliteration in the listing part like "friends, food" and "schedules, sleep" haha just some random thought i like alliteration (: -
-
Thank you for your excellent excellent suggestion. I am going to change that part- I think it will really improve the poem. Great idea! Duana
-
-
i thuink your answers to your questions to yourself are wrong
-
-
Usually I really do not like when people assume that a poem I write is about me personally. This one I actually wrote because I had to use the words 'past tense' in the poem and I was trying to be creative in their use.
However your comment made me realize that on an unconscious level which I didn't realize at the time- I was writing about myself. I guess the answers I came up with is the experience I had given that I am already 41 years old. But I have hope for all young people (every single one) and I would say that these answers could never be true of a young person.
And yes I know there are people my age who are very young at heart, but for my particular life alone these are the only answers I have.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
