Sooner or later
Never or forever
But i know
There is no place for me in your heart
Vodka or wine
Lemon or lime
Confused i am
How to add love'n'care in my shopping cart
Thirsty or hungry
Reality or fantasy
Having both feelings
Walking toward the darkness to learn how to be more smart
If you dont like my poem
Please skip it to someone else's
But dont ask me why i've chosen darkness
If you cant bridge between words
Please dont try to know the meaning of that sentence
But don't try to tell me that you've failed to find any coherence
If these words show that i am arrogant
Please dont be happy so easily read it till the end
Because this poem is not mine it came from your head
Author notes
I have made a new style, i have already written a few poems in that style and i feel i like serious poetry but rhyming is there in different way. I tried something, now you see whether its good or bad..because english is my third language..
A contest entry
- I am Leaving for a While... by reeseXtheXsoldier.
500 points, ended July 2, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best by condor.
2600 points, ended August 20, 192 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
do you like it? Yes..ok why?? No..Also tell me why??
Comments
1 - 59 of 59
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I like this one better than the first one I read. Even has a little bit of an attitude in it which I think is why I like it. Much better. Thanks for sharing this one.
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Your style is so interesting. It is a breath of fresh air. I loved reading it. I do have one concern though. I notice that you use a lot of pictures in your write. I would 100% recommend crediting the pictures if they are not of your own property.. If you don't, it's considered stealing and you could get sued.
Safely hidden in the darkness,
~ The Rocker Who Lost All -
English is your third language?
I would've never guessed!
And besides, I really do like your style.
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I like this and congrats on your gold! Keep the ink flowing
Vodka or wine
Lemon or lime
Confused i am
How to add love'n'care in my shopping cart
Thirsty or hungry
Reality or fantasy
Having both feelings
Walking toward the darkness to learn how to be more smart
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good stuff
i agree that if people dont like your poem then they should just move on, no need to put down someones work specially when it comes from your heart.
you express yourself very well for someone who's 3rd language is english
keep it up
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Aaah
I love this, the contrast between things, gives the poem a kick to it makes you want to read more, a talent you have indeed.. glad I am able to get to read your work of art
Zia 
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I dont know what Talent means..
I know i write in my way..what i want to write..
I am happy that you have liked it..
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Vodka or wine
Lemon or lime
Confused i am
How to add love'n'care in my shopping cart
That stanza is it. Bingo.
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Interesting... This one is different from the others that I read.. Quite an unique approach to the theme.. Creepy
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I not only like this but also love this and then finally i respect your innovation
i have read many of this format poems by you
why dont you upload those here?
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ahhh I really like this, there is just too much that I like to pick out a favorite part. I can see why you won gold, congrats.
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you did a good job on this write. there are some capitalization errors. the word I should always be capitalized as you are a person. words like can't and don't need apostrophes but there is nothing that detracts from the write. congratulations on the gold and i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie
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Unique, slightly philosophical, it certinaly had depth to it. I liked your opening lines, the indecisive nature of behaviour when you have lost love, your life can almost feel meaningless.
A little extra time spent on the overall nature of the poem would benefit you, try and revise the layout and what people may think when they are reading one of your poems for the first time without knowing anything about you.
I adored you background.
Thank you for sharing this with me.
Kind regards
Sophie
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a very unique and interesting write. i admit the ending stanzas somehow seemed to break from those beginning, which were my favorite! the first stanza is my favorite because of the hopelessness that seems to be expressed there.
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some of the stuff at the end was a little bit confusing for me. i dont know if it was the fact that all of a sudden the sentances got longer and more complicated. I thought putting the " if you dont like my poem" should be taken out or reworded. I thought it had a very good message though and it was in fact an eye opener. I loved the beginning i thought it was very clever and i loved the comparison.overall i really liked this poem. i just think there are miner things that could be altered. You dont need to change anything. thats just my opinion. I see that alot of people really loved this poem and that you got a gold trophey. So if you want to keep it the way you have it.More Power to you. Good Write!=)
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good
Really good! Great job! -
Amazing
This poem stops and makes you think and ponder. It was alittle bit of an eye opener. Very deep and.... emotional. I really enjoyed the style of the way you have written this peice. My favorie part was "Thirsty or hungry
Reality or fantasy
Having both feelings
Walking toward the darkness to learn how to be more smart". Good work!!
Becca
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I find it very brave of you to form your own type of poetry; that's not an easy thing in my opinion.
I liked this simply because it was different, instead of following a set rythem and being completely oblivious to the words, your poem forced me to read each sentence and actually pay attention to what your poem was saying.
I liked it -
loved this stanza:
Vodka or wine
Lemon or lime
Confused i am
How to add love'n'care in my shopping cart
congrats on the gold
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Honestly, I would not change a word of this one! I really like it! It speaks so many truths, and is deep. There is alot of meaning in this one, that is not easily found today. And this style, form, is perfect for it, as it compares tanigable items to what one finds in their hearts and souls... This is perfection!
Great work!
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this is a fabulous poem Soul. I like how you use comparisons of real objects to portray your confusion and your feelings. i like how you write about adding love and care to your shopping cart, almost like its something to be bought and sold, which these days it sometimes can be....its sad...great write and keep up the good penning. Great achievement for your third langauge.
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don't know the new style but the poem seems good to me. I liked it.
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Beautifully and deeply spoken Rehan, although you never really have to worry my friend, as you have many who love you here, and also many who want to care for you and love you the way you so wish in life, so you will never be alone, and that is pleasing to the heart to know, as I know how much you want to be loved, and I can see you have many choices here, and I wish you the best in all, Josie
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very good rhyme scheme. although i do think the bg doesn't really go with the piece
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Wow baby this one is great I love it , remember I'm always here <3 *hugs*
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Deep
I like this poem a lot. I had to read it three times as i tried to understand, and finally i think i got the drift. If read properly, this poem deals with a lot of commotion in your soul, (my soul), everyones souls, and there is a lot of truth in the very last line. You must spend a lot of time watching and listening to others to be able to get this so down pat. A true exploration of one's feeling that can apply to everyone. A wonderful piece of work with a lot of hidden meaning. Go forward and write----more!
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Yes It's all from your mind (Head)but its reflect mine
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Wow! The ending really throws you off! Great work and I really think this particular poem is very good! It's twisted in the best kind of way!
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*tilts head to the side* ok...I kinda don't get it. But I like it. Good write. thanks for entering.
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I love it I love it! Its so powerful. It really makes one think, and of course everything about it is true, these feeling are real and raw and this poem really makes people feel that. thanks so much for sharing this with me, it insanely wonderful and absolutely moving!
cassie
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i love this poem.
it makes me think. its one of my favorites.
great job!!
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Interesting I love it...because well those thoughts are in everyones head 'Thirsty or hungry
Reality or fantasy
Having both feelings
Walking toward the darkness to learn how to be more smart'
but it's what we choose subconciuosly that makes us who and what we are and it's not that darkness makes us neccessarily smarter it makes stronger and more aware.
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good job
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I like it! You were feeling yourself here! Lines 16-18 are my fave.
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I think this one is really different and the last line really throws something at you. Very nice.
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i really love this poem it is deep and tells so much and deffiantly makes me think, thank you for the entry to our contest, good luck and as always keep up the wonderful writing, ~Amy
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oh, my god!
This is really really good. The last stanza kills! Especially the very last line!
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this one ws really hilarious!!!
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this is real fun reading this poem
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i like this poem so very much
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Please dont be happy so easily read it till the end
Because this poem is not mine it came from your head
Tht part is great and I REALLY REALLY REALLY love this one, wouldnt skip for the world great job
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Ouch! I can feel the bitter pain of experience with this. Great way to express the betrayal you felt. You did so wonderfully. Great job with it.
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No i will not pass to someone else's poem
i love it so much
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i forgot to give applause to this great poem..here i am giving it
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This is just a great poem. This poem deserves more attention and you must be proud of writing a poem like this.
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I loved it. The last line, in my opinion is the best line. That is definetly the way some people are thinking these days, it's a confused messed up world out there. We just have to try and make the best of it. Thanks for sharing and this is a great poem.
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Hey, we are all confused.It's a confused world and you are right we all read ang get different things fro a poem.It is all in the interpretation.good work, Ros
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This is pretty dang close to perfection. loved it!!! It felt as if you were invading my mind. Well penned and keep it up!!
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i am confused what verdict i should give. liked or disliked. but i enjoyed reading it. good poem n good read.
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I like the style of the poem and how u wrote it. Very well writen keeps it up ~ Brook
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This is an incredible write; I loved the "this or that" going on through out the piece. It's a very unique poem, and I think that's why I like it so much: because it's different. Keep writing<3
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what a gr3at po3m it is, i am r3ally amaz3d, i hav3 not r3ad so many po3ms in my lif3 though i believe this is on3 of th3 b3st
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This is certainly a great poem
it needs a comment as good as the poem itself
This is a poem what i expect from you
keep writing, and forget sadness -
I like it =]
I like the rhyme schemes and the overall poem. It's amazing.
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no it's brilliant. I loved it. it takes a genious to write like this.
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i love it. absolutely amazing!! wow.
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yes I like it
I related to it from the start
feelings expressed in here that someone can draw off of
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whoa. amazingness.
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Dang
I think that's the best of your poems that I have read.Amazing rhyme schemes.It was really cute.Cute?I don't know why but it was.
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