With every breathe I take I cry.
The air seems as thick as tar.
My lungs cry out.
They want to surrender.
Like a soldier with no weapon.
Like a bee with no wings.
Like a child without parents.
For they just like me
Must work twice as hard
To get half as far.
For they just like me
Cry without reply.
Pray without an answer.
For they just like me
Bleed inside
And no one can see.
For they just like me
Will keep on breathing
Will go to no man’s land
Sting
And grow up.
For they just like me
Will breath air
You didn’t even knew exists.
Author notes
2. I breathe differently than you
A contest entry
- Options I think are unique by bird at rose.
1000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I can completely relate your topic to my mamma, without you even plainly noting it; chemical sensitivity
Right from the preview, I couldn't wait to find more of your story. Sounded like even though there's still oxygen to take in, pavements etc make you feel like that's the new invention we're supposed to only inhale. This line, "They want to surrender" expresses an emergency everybody expects as 'pushing it.' Even when my mamma wasn't with us the other day, so called normal people like my daddy and I were sort of choking from the re-done parking lot. Lines five to seven offer an irritation out of order, yet people should appreciate what maybe, amazingly you still can accomplish, using classic counterlines. And, the comparison to an endeavourer can reflect upon how you have to fight within yourself. However, others may miss-anticipate that you hate THEM, rather than just their odd level of whiffy routine.
Your second stanza really makes me be transfer your condition. My perception is you can correlate to anybody with anything, as long as they're struggling in a similar, tearful or amending pace. "Pray without an answer" makes obvious the differences between true hope vice versa. I felt, "Bleed inside And no one can see" was described so truthfully, and strangely others don't want to believe words, but think that 'you'll be ok, deal with it' is the right conclusion. Whereas, you usually get help if cut severely on the outside.
Does "and grow up" slightly sarcastically respond to those saying that phrase or not lol? "Will breath air You didn’t even know exists" is a straight out match with line 16, extremely expressive, my favorite.
This is such a painful spring from my prompt, hope you are trying to replace the liver strength, thanks for entering,
Daisy
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