I'm premeditated and uncirculated,
but still don't give a shit. This
last-one-fist-serve business
has me rounding corners
with a straight-edge blade
and I won't realize you've left
'till you've left-right-sunk.
Other girls laugh at my incandescent
adolescence as if they've never
known it before. Who'd have
thought the quick one-
two could turn into fleeting pleasure
(fun without the untouched cane)
and deep-dark-down-played-
over-blown secrets still too
young for innocent ears?
Don't tell me you're gone
when you haven't finished leaving;
I won't wait up for you.
Author notes
Theme: Secrecy
Username: HagarenHanyou
star...it won't show if I put the asterisks.
One question though: Would you be willing to accept a poem with the theme of love if it were presented in an original way? Because, by extension, love is the most common theme, however, that doesn't mean it can't make a good, original poem, since it seems the main reason you are disallowing it is because of the lack of originality.
A contest entry
- CONTEST FOR BRILLIANT YOUNG MINDS #3 (20 and under only) by islekine.
750 points, ended July 1, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any good?
Comments
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Also...title...too long and doesn't
really add anything to poem...maybe "Questionable
Figment".....something that isn't so close to prose.
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I don't ask for no "love" writes only
because of lack of originality. If it is penned in a unique way...fine...but, in my many years of penning...
I have read a lot...I am also a judge on the PO contests....and the bar is really high there...that is
what I am looking for here.
Now...as for your poem...
My next contest will be a real stickler for rules...and tightening up the poems...if in your first stanza you take out "and" and "but"...see how much more poetic it sounds? put it to music in your head...
make it flow...
I am judging now...scores in final notes...best wishes in the contest!
Write on!
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Thanks for entering!
Best wishes in the contest!
write on.
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Thank you
I also want to apologize for the swearing in line 2. Originally, this poem had more swearing that I had to extinguish, and I suppose that strangler I felt was best left. Do you wish for me to edit it out or keep it?
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